


Dreams Come True

by tris820



Series: StoriesByTris [1]
Category: SPNFamily, Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Porn With Plot, Public Sex, Sex Toys, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:39:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tris820/pseuds/tris820
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my first attempt at writing, so please enjoy :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleep Deprivation

**Author's Note:**

> Contains Adult themes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moving day! I'm so excited, it was official we were living together. It's pretty funny how few things I have, but considering I had uprooted my life to move here, not surprising. Plus I had been staying here nearly every night for the past  7 months.    
Even though it only took one load to bring all my stuff over, we had decided to use it as an excuse for everyone to come over for some barbecue.   
"Hey you!"   
"Hey you back!"   
Standing in front of me, handing me a beer, is not only my housemate, but the love of my life and my best friend.  As I lean up to give him a kiss the cat calls come from one particular friend.    
"Get a room you two!"   
We respond in sync.    
"Shut up Jensen!"   
With that I am pulled into a tight embrace and kissed with passion. Smiling like the smartass's we are we turn around and face Jensen.    
It's a beautiful night and we all enjoy each other's company, the barbecue and possibly a few too many drinks. I sit back and just enjoy watching Jared and Jensen banter with each other. I love their friendship and appreciate it's worth, as I have my own friendships I cherish and couldn't live without.    
My mind wanders to a night where I was feeling down and decided to join Twitter and follow the stars of Supernatural. That night I was amazed at the world that is Twitter and went crazy following people. Slowly but surely I understood how it worked and started to understand the world of the SPN family and the crazy fangirls, of which I proudly call myself. Standing in a shopping centre I received a direct message from one woman who changed my life. From that point onwards we formed a small group of friends and discussed all our worries, our loves and our inner most secrets. Every day I cherish these friends and am thankful for them and that one direct message from a woman I proudly call my friend.    
"Your turn honey!"   
I snap my head up, having drifted away and having no clue what was going on.    
"What?"   
"Ha! You have to have a shot!"   
"Why?"   
"That's two shots!"   
"Jared, what's going on?"   
He looks at me with a cheeky grin as Jensen starts pouring three shots.    
"Sorry baby, that's three shots now. Drinking game and rule one is no questions!"   
"Damn it!"   
I throw down the three shots and give both the boys menacing looks.    
"You both have to explain the rules to the game which I am playing!"   
The game goes on and after knowing the rules I am pretty good at twisting things and turning the game around on the boys. As the conversation turns to football, Danneel tells me she is going to lie down in the spare room and I decide to go to bed too. Kissingjared good night I head off to bed.    
Our room was quite dark except for a couple of lamps and as I lay in bed I had heaps of adrenaline from an exciting day. I toss and turn for a while, but get more and more restless. I give up on trying to go to sleep so I reach over and get my favourite toy. We usually use it together, but I'm alone at the moment and need to get to sleep. My toy is shiny purple with a thick bottom and it goes into a point that curves, perfect for the g-spot. I start off just playing with myself until I get quite wet, I then grab my toy and slowly push it inside me. I love this feeling. I push a few more times and can feel my legs start to tremble. It is then a deep voice interrupts.  
   "Do you need some assistance?"   
I look up and see Jared smiling and slowly undressing, his body shiny with a fine layer of sweat. His muscles contracting just slightly with every movement. I just stare at this beauty until he is completely undressed at the end of the bed, his penis swollen with anticipation. It then occurs to me that I won't be going to sleep anytime soon. His eyes are hungry with lust, but I know he has a tendency to drag out these moments turning them into sheer agony which becomes ultimate pleasure, multiple times.    
"Has everyone gone home?"   
 "Yes, but Jackles and Danneel are crashing the night! Now shh!"   
As he slowly crawls up the bed I push my toy a couple more times and smile teasingly at him, to which he responds with an equally teasing smile. As he comes closer he takes the toy from me and slowly lowers his head to taste me. As his tongue slides into my folds he flicks his tongue over my clit making my hips jump. He softly laughs and inserts one finger inside me and touches me exactly at that place only he knows of, which causes a wave of stimulation and my legs start to tremble again. He abruptly pulls his finger out and sits up.   
 "Hmm, I don't think that's enough!"     
 "We have the toy?"     
 He looks at the toy and then stares into my eyes as if pondering a big question. I give him a small smile, slightly confused as to what's going on. He is silent for a few seconds then shakes his head and sort of mutters to himself.  He starts to lower himself down next to me and I am feeling quite abandoned.    
 "Jared, is something wrong?"     
 He looks me straight at me and smiles.    
 "No, you have to wait until your birthday!"    
 "No way!! You can't do that!  My birthday isn't for 3 months and you know I can't deal with that sort of waiting!"   
 This makes him laugh wholeheartedly, so I grab a pillow and hit him with it. He starts laughing even more!  So I attack him in a way that I know will grab his attention. I lower my head, grasp the base of his cock with my hands and lick the top of his swollen member. The room goes deadly quiet, followed by a deep intake of breath. I lower my mouth and slowly take in his length. The first time we had sex I was taken aback by his size, but now it was mine and I loved every inch. His tip hit the back of my throat and I slowly kept going, knowing that when I took him so deeply it drove him wild. I could feel his hands on the back of my head, not pushing me down, but firmly holding me there.   
 I wrapped my lips around him and slowly withdrew. I licked up his pre cum and sucked just on the head. I slowly kissed my way up his body ignoring his nipples. When my face was even with his I lowered my head to kiss him. This was always one of my favourite things to do. His kissing is so soft and loving until his passion rose and his kisses engulfed me. Kissing for what felt like ages and I could feel him growing even harder. He grabbed my shoulders and started to flip me underneath him. I rolled out just in time and his head whipped around to see me smiling.    
 "Jared, I have two words for you... Birthday Present!"   
 "Are you now blackmailing me to get your present early?"    
 "Yes, if that will work?"     
 He gets up and walks to our walk-in wardrobe. All I can see is his silhouette and it blows me away, how is he mine? I'm so lucky I barely hear him.    
 "Ok, but you're only getting half of your present!"    
 When he comes back to the bead he sits with his back to me.     
"If you don't want to do this, you don't have to, ok?"      
"Ok??"    
When he turns around he has two things in his hand, one is a tube of lubrication and the other is a slim pink butt plug. I start to blush, but luckily he can't see because of the lighting, but he then shocks me.     
"Are you blushing?"   
How does he know this secret of mine?? I have only told a few close girlfriends and I'm sure they wouldn't tell Jared that I've always been curious about plugs. Then it hits me...    
"Jensen! You've been gossiping with Jensen!"    "What are you talking about and why would you be talking to Jensen about sex stuff?"    
 Now I feel like an idiot.     
"Well, I told Danneel and thought she must have told Jensen who told you, who thought it was a good surprise!"    
"Babe, slow down, I have no idea what you're talking about, but talking about Jensen and Danneel right now is sort of killing the mood."     
 I turn and look at Jared. I get up on my knees and shuffle over to him. I kiss him slowly and whisper.   
"I told Danneel I wanted to see what it felt like to have you inside me with a butt plug in"   
 His eyes meet mine, he grabs both sides of my head and kisses me so hard that our teeth hit and our tongues twist around each other. He leans me back into the bed without breaking contact. One hand finds my breast and tweaks my nipple. I push my back up so he can do it more, but his hand has started travelling downwards. I feel his fingers plunge into me, I'm not sure how many but I think it's three, stretching me to be ready for him. I can feel myself humming with pleasure; he knows exactly what I need.  More and more he plunges in and out pushing me to the edge just as I'm about to orgasm he teases my clit which makes my orgasm explode.    
 He doesn't stop, but slows down so my wave can calm down. I feel his fingers, wet with my juices, slowly make their way to my anus. He looks at me for confirmation.   
 "Just be gentle."    
"Of course my love"    
 He slowly pushes one finger in, just a little bit so my body can adjust. He kisses me constantly while he's doing this. He pushes in a little further and moves his finger a little. This cause a sensation in me that sends what feels like a cold shiver through my body, similar to an orgasm, but slightly different. I break off our kiss and smile at him. I can feel him move his finger in and out a little and it feels amazing. He takes his finger out and gently pushes me over onto my side, he then gives my bottom a playful slap.    
"This might be a bit cold!"    
I then feel the lubricant and shiver, not from the cold, but from excitement.    
 He then inserts one finger into my pussy and just keeps slowly torturing me, in and out, in and out. I then feel him start to insert the plug and he keeps going on my pussy, the sensation is driving me wild. I can feel my self stretching around the plug and must have made a noise because everything stops.    
 "Are you ok, is this ok?"    
"Yes.....keep going".    
With that he pushes the plug into place. He comes back to me and kisses me softly.    
"You're so beautiful."   
 He rolls me on my back, grabs a pillow and puts it under my bottom. He then licks my folds.   
"Now! I need you now!"   
 He sits back on his knees and grabs my ankles and puts them on his shoulders. He rises up and positions himself at my entrance. He slowly slides into me until his balls are resting on the base of the plug; I am so full that I feel like I'm going to explode. He can feel the inside of me and recognises the spasms.    
"Hold on babe, we can cum together."    
 Slowly he pulls out and then pushes back in, back out and back in. My body has taken over I can't control what's going on as Jared starts pounding faster and faster. Jared lets go of my ankles and turns me over and pushes hard and fast into me from behind. I raise my bottom so it's easier for him and he pulls me up so we're both on our knees.    
With him behind me it causes friction with the plug and he is hitting my g-spot every time. I can feel all the blood draining to this part of me. Jared kisses me on the neck, his breath becoming more and more raspy.    
"Are you ready?"    
"Yes!"    
 His hands that have been playing with my breasts move downwards. With one hand he uses his fingers to spread my folds and the other goes straight to my clit. He keeps pushing and suddenly starts slowing down but pushing hard, I feel the world spin. We orgasm at the same time and collapse onto the bed. Our breathing heavy and our bodies sweating. I can feel him go soft inside me and he slowly pulls out. He then very gently pulls out the plug which makes my body quiver again. We lay there for a while until our breathing becomes synchronised.    
 Jared is kissing me softly with such love that my heart is bursting. I am lying here with the love of my life, his arms protectively around me and a naughty thought of toys and playthings comes into my head "I wonder what the second part of my present is?"   
 Jared is lying there thinking about how amazing it is that he's lying there with you, both so sated in love and he thinks "I can't wait to give her the other half of her present" and his mind wonders to the little box that holds a beautiful diamond engagement ring. 


	2. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

 

Walking down the street staring at the pavement, I smiled and felt so content with my life. Who would have thought a year ago, I was just a girl on a holiday, with her best friend going to a convention. I feel my hand being taken and my fingers entwined in his, I look up and Jared is smiling at me.  
  
  
"Well, you're miles away. What were you thinking about?"  
  
  
"You and me"  
  
  
Jared pulls me into a hug, our fingers still entwined. Even through our layers of clothes the electricity between us is palpable. I look up into his eyes and he leans down to kiss me.  
  
  
"If we don't hurry up we will be late!"  
  
  
He kisses me quickly and we carry on walking.  
  
  
At the restaurant we enjoy all the food, friends and drinks. I still feel out of place being here with Jared and the friends he calls family, so I stay quiet and try not to intrude. I'm away with my thoughts again, feeling a little homesick for my friends, when I feel someone sit down next to me.  
  
  
"I can't tell you how happy I am that Jared found you! Jared loves you and so do our boys!"  
  
  
 I turn and look at Gen smiling at me.  
  
  
"Really? I always worry that I'm seen as the outsider."  
  
  
"Have you seen the way we all treat you? We love you!"  
  
  
Gen is pulled away by her new partner and is quickly replaced by Jared.  
  
  
"What were you two talking about?"  
  
  
I smile innocently at him, lean up and quickly kiss him.  
  
  
"Shopping, now do you want to get me another drink?"  
  
  
"We are going to another bar, we'll grab one there."  
  
  
We walk in a group, the weather turning and flutters of snow start falling, it is such a beautiful night. Across the street is a quaint little park that looks like it was designed for couples to meet and stare at the sky.  
  
  
"Do you know which bar we are going to and where it is?"  
  
  
Jared nods in reply and I grab his hand and start pulling him across the street.  
  
  
"We'll catch up with y'all"  
  
  
Putting his arm around my waist, he understands where we are going.  
  
  
With the snow falling and the fairy lights in the trees it feels like a magical wonderland. We walk over to the gazebo and sit down, snuggling close to keep the warmth between us.  
  
  
"I love this. You and me, right now."  
  
  
He takes my chin and turns my face toward his.   
  
  
"I love you!"  
  
  
He starts kissing me softly, it blows me away. My hands find their way to his neck and I try and initiate a more passionate kiss. He leans away from me so I fail in my attempt.  
  
  
"Be careful babe, we are out in public and I don't want to start something we can't stop".  
  
  
I turn and lean back into him, it feels so perfect when he wraps his arms around me. The snow has started dumping down making it hard to even see the lights in the park. Starring off in the distance enjoying the beauty and silence that snow brings, I feel his hands slowly going down between my legs bringing warmth to my body. I part my legs for him to have easier access. He gently starts rubbing me with enough pressure that I barely notice the cold air as his other hand makes his way under my shirt to my breast.  
  
  
"Is that nice?"  
  
  
His breath is warm on my neck as he presses his mouth down gently kissing and sucking at the same time.  
  
  
"Please Jared I want more, no one can see us."  
  
  
His hand leaves my breast and he starts unbuttoning my jeans. He uses his teeth to pull off his glove and slides his hand down under my panties and start to gently circle my clit. The temperature surrounding us is now playing an erotic part, while the cold stimulates my exposed skin the warmth inside me spreads.  He doesn't do anything else, except every now and then slightly builds up the pressure.  
  
  
"Nice?"  
  
  
 I get the sense that he's teasing me with this question so I sit up until I'm positioned right between his legs and push back slightly earning a grunt and his fingers slowing down. I can feel his erect penis against my bottom so I know that this is becoming too much to come back from. I squirm a little wanting to be as close to him as possible, but wanting to keep the pressure on me.  
  
  
"I hate these jeans right now!"  
  
He laughs warmly into my neck.  
  
  
"I suppose we need to go and meet up with the others at the bar?"  
  
  
 Jared pulls me up, kissing me with a passion that I know we will reignite later. I do up my pants feeling like someone had just stolen my favourite toy.  
  
  
As we start walking, my jeans have become a source of stimulation. My clit, swollen and rubbing with every step I take, making it more and more difficult to walk.  
  
  
"Jared, honey, I need to slow down."  
  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
  
I turn to him and go into hug him and as soon as our bodies touch I can feel that he is still affected by our time in the gazebo. I push my pelvis into his.  
  
  
"It seems we're in the same predicament sweetheart."  
  
  
He groans and starts kissing me without abandon making me breathless; our hands are everywhere, knowing that this can't go further.  
  
  
"Fuck! We need to sort this out!”  
  
  
 He grabs my hand and pulls me with him, walking so quickly that it's hard to keep my footing.  
  
  
"Jared, slow down!"  
  
  
He seems to ignore me and keeps his pace. I don't even notice where we are going, just trying to concentrate on keeping my footing because the ache between my legs is becoming unbearable.  
  
  
I am pushed against a hard wall. He pulls his gloves off with his teeth, throwing them aside; his eyes are black with passion. His kiss is hard and fast, frantic and he doesn't stop; I feel his hands undoing my jeans. My jeans and panties are pulled down to my knees, the frigid air hitting my bare thighs.  Could walk past and see us? I don’t care. Desperate.  I reach for Jared's belt, but he pushes my hand away. I look at him and he just slightly shakes his head.  
  
  
"Not yet! You first!"  
  
  
Fingers assault me. Teasing my clit and then plunging into me. Moaning. Can people hear us? So forceful my feet are barely on the pavement. Thrusting. Hard.  My body, less and less in control, trembling. He pulls out his fingers, turns me around, recognising the sound of his belt and jeans being undone. He’s up against me pushing me into the wall. His penis hard up against me and I push back into it.  
  
  
"Now!"  
  
  
My hips pulled back, he thrusts into me. Screaming.  Moaning. Grunting. Bodies slapping. Can anyone hear us? Hand in my hair. Fingers find my clit. Bodies slapping echoing in the alley.  Over and over. Harder. Deeper. People walking past. Can’t stop. Moaning. Grunting. Thrusting. Stranger whistling at us. Aching. Hair released.  Pulled back towards him. Legs giving way. Thrusts erratic.  His grunts. My moans.  My nails sink into his flesh. Body shuddering.  Thrusting. He explodes inside me.  My legs give way.  
  
  
Bodies still joined we lean into the wall breathing deeply and satisfied. A smile spreads across my face as it dawns on me where we are.  
  
  
"Now Jared, I wouldn't call sex next to a dumpster the most romantic setting."  
  
  
I can feel his weight behind me lift and the cold air hits me. We start to do our pants up and Jared smiles cheekily at me.  
  
  
"I was desperate!"  
  
  
He pulls me in to a tight hug and I rest my head on his chest satisfied and where I was born to be. He breaths in deeply.  
  
  
"I don't know about you, but I need a drink!"  
  
  
We quickly scan our surrounding to see if we are alone.  
  
  
We walk, arms around each other to the bar, just strolling and enjoying the silence between us. That silence is broken when we enter the bar where the party is in full swing. We make our way over to the group and get a couple of knowing grins.  
  
  
"I'm getting a drink, does anyone need one?"  
  
  
"Jared looks like he could use a drink"  
  
  
Jensen’s comment makes the group laugh and me blush.  
  
  
When I'm at the bar I decide that I need a strong drink. I order my vodka lime and soda and a whiskey for Jared along with an extra shot of vodka. While I'm waiting for my drinks a girl comes up beside me.  
  
  
"Are you dating Jared? I saw the two of you come in together?"  
  
  
I'm unsure how to answer this, as we had kept our relationship very private, mainly because of Tom and Shep. The bartender puts my drinks down and I grab the shot, give the girl a sideways glance and throw it down. I feel two arms slide around me.  
  
  
"Where's my shot?"  
  
  
The girl next to us smiles knowingly.  
  
  
 "I knew it!"  
  
  
Jared looks at her questioning.  
  
  
"You knew what?"  
  
  
"That you guys are dating!"  
  
  
He looks at me then her and smiles down at me.  
  
  
"Yes you could say that!”  
  
  
As we walk back to the table Jared leans into me.  
  
  
"By the way everyone knows what we got up to in the alley."  
  
  
"How would they know for sure?"  
  
  
"Just believe me ok!"  
  
  
Once we join everyone I get a few looks and smiles. I've had my shot and nearly finished my drink.  
  
  
"What??"  
  
  
Jared shakes his head and lowers it with a smile.  
  
  
"Jared's going to be in trouble at work on Monday"  
  
  
"Yep! Zabrina will get the shits with you two" Jensen says.  
  
  
The whole group burst out laughing at Jensen and Danneel’s comments, including Jared. I have no clue what's going on.  
  
  
"And what the hell does that have to do with me?"  
  
  
"Well pretty sure it was you that inflicted the markings on Jared!"  
  
  
I quickly look at Jared, there's nothing different about his face, I look at his neck, nothing there. I look confused and he leans down to me.  
  
  
"Look at the back of my neck."   
  
  
During our encounter, just an hour before, I had managed to dig my nails into Jared neck causing the skin to break and scratches to appear. Horrified, I look around at everyone smiling at me, I realise that they're teasing me. I burst out laughing.  
  
  
"It was Jared's fault!"  
  
  
We have a great night and stumble out of the bar a few hours later, everyone saying their goodbyes with hugs and kisses. I am feeling so part of this little group I can't stop smiling.  Jared and I share a taxi with Jensen and Danneel. We all pile into the taxi and I'm sitting next to Danneel.  
  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?"  
  
  
"After all the secrets we have already shared, hello playthings, of course you can!"  
  
  
"Before I met any of you, do you know what one of the things on my Wishlist was?...I always wanted to go out drinking with you and Gen because you seemed so fun!"   
  
  
"Well thanks!"  
  
  
I ignore Jensen’s comment and just laugh it off knowing he's joking. Danneel grabs my hand.  
  
  
"Well I think soon enough we will have reason to have a girls night, hey Jared?"  
  
  
Jared gives Danneel a look I don't understand and decide to ignore.  
  
  
Once we get home it is so late we go through our usual night time routine and climb into bed. We snuggle for a while and I drift off to sleep. When I wake up he’s is still fast asleep so I quietly get out of bed throw on one of his shirts and wander into the living room. Outside is cloudy and snowy. On some days this weather can make me homesick for sunnier days, but today I love it and am so relaxed I make myself a coffee and lay down on the sofa. Pulling out my phone I go on Twitter to check on my friends and see how they are going. When I open my DMs there is a lot of chatter going on about Jared and him having a new girlfriend. As much as I have learned to take gossip with a grain of salt I always get a little curious when this particular line of gossip comes up.  
  
  
"What's going on with Jared ladies?"  
  
  
 Two of my friends reply with nearly the same answer  
  
  
"A girl said she saw Jared in a club last night and he said he was dating the girl he was with!"  
  
  
"Huh? Really??"  
  
  
My face feeling like it was drained of blood. I hated that I kept my relationship with Jared secret from my friends, but it was something that Jared and I had agreed to when we first started seeing each other. I sit up, now completely awake and alert.  
  
"What does she look like?"  
  
  
"No description was given.”  
  
  
"So maybe it's just another rumour?"  
  
  
"Who cares, I just love juicy Jared gossip!"  
  
  
My heart sinks with guilt, I need to rectify this. I walk towards our bedroom and lean on the doorframe and stare at my bed, with my love asleep. He is on his stomach and the bed sheet is just above his bottom. His back is so beautiful; my eyes slowly scan upwards his shoulders, so broad, his neck, where I can see the scratches from the night before and the messy hair strewn across his face. How do I bring this subject up without upsetting what we have, but I can't hold this secret back from my friends any longer. I walk over to the bed and make my way up to him, straddle him and start giving him a gentle massage. He moves his head to the other side and flattens out more so I am totally straddling his bottom and can massage easier. I can tell he's waking up when he moans a little when I add some pressure. I lean down and kiss between his shoulder blades and gently caress his sides from his armpits to his hips.  
  
  
"I want to wake up like this everyday for the rest of my life!"  
  
  
I smile sadly and think that his mind may change when I bring up my friends. I have to savour this moment knowing it may be my last. I drag my nails down his sides making him shiver, so I keep going, loving that is makes every muscle in his back move with every touch. I start kissing him and adding suction to all my kisses I move my hips down to his knees and pull the sheet down exposing his backside. I quickly slap him, waiting for a reaction... Nothing. So I do it again, but follow with my mouth kissing and I lick lightly between his cheeks. This gets a moan out of him so I repeat a couple of times then slowly kiss my way back up. I am on my hands and knees and He rolls over underneath me so when I sit back down I can feel his erection under me. I move up and down his shaft stimulating myself, He pulls my shirt off and takes one of my nipples in his mouth. He palms the other breast and squeezes, sending shockwaves through my body. I put my hand down between us and position him at my entrance and slowly lower myself down on him. I sit upright place one hand behind me and one hand on my breast and start slowly riding him. At this angle all of my senses are heightened. The depth the he goes in is a little painful, but pleasurable at the same time. Knowing that he’s watching me ride him, I leave my breasts and start playing with my clit. I slowly start to pick up the pace and and lean forward placing my hands on his chest. He rises up to meet me so I wrap my legs around his waist sinking as deep as possible on to him. As he kisses me deeply our passion rises but our movements are minimal just enjoying the feeling of being one. His hands, which until now been cradling my face move down my back and cups my bottom. He raises me up and slowly rolls us over so I am underneath him and then joins us together as one again. He starts getting a rhythm going and I bring my hips up to join his with every stroke. He leans down and kisses me rocking in and out the whole time. He moves his hands down and grabs my knees which are up near his back and pushes them down toward the bed, opening me as wide as I can be. He then thrusts hard and deeply, I scream with pleasure.  
  
"Oh! Jared!"  
  
  
Fast and hard. Swept away by how hard he is hammering into me my orgasm hits with no warning, but Jared just keeps going. Harder and harder.  
  
  
"I'm going to make you cum so many times you won't be able to walk today!"  
  
  
And with that he withdraws but keeps his hands on my knees and moves downward, puts his mouth over my clit and sucks really hard making my hips try and rock upwards but he has me pinned. My world is spinning as he inserts his tongue inside he lets go of my legs but my body is so used I can't move my legs. He places his thumb on my clit and pushes two fingers inside me. With every movement of his fingers, his thumb stimulates my clit. I then feel more fingers go inside me stretching me so wide it's nearly unbearable, but it's only quick when I suddenly realise what his next movement is. I move my hips downward towards him opening myself even wider. His fingers don't stop and I feel pressure as he slowly inserts one finger into my anus. Once he is inside he uses his fingers in opposite directions so I am constantly being filled. I am withering, knowing that I can't take this much longer. I am now holding my knees up and out to give him full access. He then starts pushing into both holes at the same time, my legs start shaking. He keeps two fingers in my pussy and then uses the other hand to play with my clit. It sends me over the edge and my juices spill out of me. Totally out of breath he moves up between my legs. I can feel him throbbing against my folds which is nearly too much for me. I grab his head and kiss him. When he pulls away from our kiss his smile is deadly and his eyes are black. Without a word he moves down and starts licking my nipples, it's something he knows I love. He sucks on my nipple and gently bites it sending my body into spasm. Not knowing how much more I can take.  
  
  
"Please Jared, your turn!"  
  
  
He looks up at me smiles.  
  
  
"Honey I don't think you are able to move!"  
  
  
I have to agree with him and nod my head. He knows my body need a reprieve so he moves off me, gets off the bed, grabs my ankles and pulls me down to the end of the bed. I sit up and am at head level with his hugely engorged penis. I put my hands down and cup his balls and grab the base of him and lower my lips to him. I slowly start sucking him and he rests one of his hands on the back of my neck. I lick up and down his length. His hand move up to my head and he starts pushing further into my mouth. I cup his bottom so he knows I am ok with this and I push him forward to take more of him in my mouth. When I do this he grabs my hair and pulls himself out.  
  
  
"Final round?"  
  
  
He lifts me up and carries me to the bathroom and puts me down on the counter. He turns on the shower.  
  
  
"Hot or Cold?"  
  
His face goes blank when he sees that I have raised my legs, brought my feet up on counter and pushed my pelvis forward making myself open for him. I put my finger inside me and coyly smile at him. He walks over to me and doesn't hesitate pushing so deeply into me he lifts me off the counter. I grab onto his shoulders, but he grabs one of my hands and put it between us.  
  
  
"Keep touching yourself and don't stop!"  
  
  
I do love when he is so turned on that he becomes dominant. I keep moving my fingers while he puts both hands on the mirror behind me. And forcefully penetrates me with all of his strength. I feel him explode into me and slows down his movements. His penis is pulsating inside me and it feels amazing. He looks me in the eyes.  
  
  
"I didn't tell you to stop!"  
  
  
I realise what he's talking about and start masturbating again. He pulls out of me and slowly backs away. He sits on the edge of the tub.  
  
  
"Make yourself cum for me!"    
  
  
I keep my eyes locked on his and start moving my hand rapidly, knowing this was going to be quick. The wave of orgasm starts to wash over me and I break eye contact.  
  
  
"Look at me! I want to see your eyes when you cum!"  
  
  
This is what sends me over the edge, shuddering. He stands up and turns the shower on. He comes over to me and and takes my hand in his and leads me into the warm shower.  
  
  
"No matter what happens, know that I love you with my entire soul Jared!"  
  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
  
"I'll explain once we are out of the shower."  
  
  
Clean and dressed we make our breakfast and sit on the sofa. I drape my legs over his lap and look at him.  
  
  
"Have you looked at Twitter this morning?"  
  
  
He laughs and I realise how silly my question is.  
  
  
"Oh yes! I checked it in between your first and second orgasm!"  
  
  
I laugh half heartedly.  
  
  
“There's a new rumour out about you Mr Padalecki!  Did you know you're dating someone new?"  
  
Jared looks a little pissed.  
  
  
”Come on, you know I'm not seeing someone behind your back!"  
  
  
"I know Jared and have no doubt about that"  
  
  
He looks at me with his face softening.  
  
  
"What's upsetting you then? Who is the new girl?"  
  
  
"I think it's me? But not 100% sure. My Twitter girls told me this morning that there was a new rumour about you being in a bar last night and telling a girl that you were dating the girl you were with."  
  
  
I keep explaining thinking that if I get it all out quickly it will hurt less.  
  
  
"When we first started seeing each other we agreed that it was best that we keep our relationship quiet. My problem is now I'm feeling really guilty keeping this from my friends."  
  
  
"I have already thought about this and have put a plan in place."  
  
  
"Well that's cryptic!”  
  
  
"All I ask is that you don't say anything until next Sunday."  
  
  
The week passes by really slowly and I avoid Twitter because I am cowardly avoiding lying to my friends. It is weighing me down so when Jared comes home on Friday night and mentions going out to dinner the next night I just nod, walk over and kiss him quickly and go to bed. As I lay in bed I can hear him moving about the apartment and talking on the phone quietly. The tears start flowing down my face thinking I am ruining my relationship with Jared and my friends in the same week.  
  
  
I wake up to music and voices, multiple voices. What's going on??? I use the bathroom and get dressed, presuming that the people outside wouldn't want to see me naked. I then change again, thinking it could be people that Jared works with.  
  
  
"Shit! Shit! Shit!"  
  
  
I look for something half decent to wear and decide on jeans and a nice shirt, no shoes, but my hair done in a nice way but not over done. I stand at our bedroom door taking deep breaths.  
  
  
"Please don't say something I will regret!"  
  
  
I smile at that thinking of Misha saying he did that before panels. I take a deep breath, open the door and walk out.  
  
  
I almost laugh with joy when the first face I see is Misha's. He looks at me and starts walking over. He pulls me into a hug.  
  
  
"Happy Birthday!"  
  
  
I look at him with surprise. With everything on my mind this week I had forgotten about my birthday. I start looking around the room and with Misha's arm around my shoulder we walk further into the room. I look around for Jared and see him across the room. He shoots me a wink, blows me a kiss and mouths "happy birthday". I smile at him and mouth back "I love you". Looking around the room I see people I recognise and a few others that look vaguely familiar but can't place it. A woman comes up to me and hugs me tightly. I'm very confused and even more so when I feel more arms surrounding me.  
  
  
"Happy birthday sweetie"  
  
  
The voice follows it with a name only used by my closest Twitter friends. I stiffen and try and take in who exactly are hugging me. There are 6 women, I scan their faces and I start crying and the hugs are renewed.  
  
  
"Oh my god!..."How?”  
  
  
We all untangle ourselves and I feel strong arms surrounding me which I lean back into.  
  
  
"Well there is one more person to surprise you with yet who played the biggest part!"  
  
  
He turns me around and my eyes lock with my friend from home who was with me the first time I met Jared. The tears start to well up again and I run over to her hugging her with everything I had. I was then told that Jared had rung my friend and explained what he wanted to do. Then my Twitter girls were contacted and told that Jared would be contacting them but to keep it to themselves. Jared contacted all of them and explained our whole relationship and how badly I felt keeping it from them. He then told them that he was having a surprise birthday party for me and he was flying them to Vancouver. I am so astounded and filled with joy that I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I go into our bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed.  
  
  
"Babe, is everything ok?"  
  
  
I look up at the love of my life and stand up.  
  
  
"Yes! Today couldn't be any better!"  
  
  
I hug him tightly and we go back out to everyone.  
  
  
The day passes with drinks, food, friends and laughter. Jared announces that he has made a dinner booking for everyone at a casual dining place so none of us have to get changed and can leave at the same time.  
  
"This has been a great day! I'm so happy to have you in our family; this little gift is from Jensen, JJ and myself."  
  
  
I look at Danneel, and Jensen comes up behind her. I open the gift and inside are a pair of beautiful diamond earrings, not too big and exactly what I like.  
  
  
"You should wear them to dinner"  
  
  
I put the earrings in and she smiles with delight.  
  
  
Once at dinner we are all seated and I ask Jared why Gen hasn't been here all day with us. He explains that she got held up during the day but is coming for dinner and should be here soon. Ten minutes later, Gen, her partner and the two boys come in. They come over to us and Gen pulls me into a hug.  
  
  
"Welcome to our family!"  
  
  
She hands me a present and I see a quick look pass between Gen and Danneel thinking it was odd that they pretty much said the same thing. I open my gift and it's a very delicate bracelet with diamonds around it. I look at it and then snap my head up and look at Gen.  
  
  
"This is beautiful"  
  
  
"Put it on! It matches your earrings"  
  
  
Gen smiles and winks at Danneel.  
  
  
We eat our food and enjoy each other's company. The waiters bring out the cake which is nice and simple and everyone starts singing happy birthday to me. Tom and Shep have made their way over to us and both decide to sit on my lap.  
  
  
"We have a present for you!"  
  
  
"But daddy said he would hold onto it until we were ready to give it to you."  
  
  
Tom then looks very seriously at me.  
  
  
"Before you get my present, can I ask you a question?"  
  
  
"Of course Tom, you can ask me anything!"  
  
  
He puts his arm around Shep, and looks up at me.  
  
  
"Will you marry us?"  
  
  
I am in shock, not understanding and look straight at Jared who smiles radiantly.  
  
  
  
"Well, are you going to keep them waiting?"  
  
  
I look down at these two boys and smile.  
  
  
"Yes, I would love to marry you!"  
  
  
As I look up everyone cheers and I realise that everyone knew what was going to happen. I turn to look at Jared and he has the little box that he's kept secret for three months open and inside is a single diamond ring. He takes it off and as he slides it on my finger he kisses me.  
  
  
"Welcome to our family".  
  
  
There are congratulations all round. Danneel hugs me tightly.  
  
  
 "I told you that night in the taxi that there would be reason for a girl’s night!"  
  
  
I remember the look that had passed between Jared and Danneel that night and it all clicked into place. 


	3. Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

"You know what Jared? Go fuck yourself!"   
  
I was fuming and didn't want to be anywhere near him, so I stormed out of the apartment. How didn't he understand how bored I was? He worked 12 hour days, if not longer and couldn't understand why I wanted to work. My visa allowed it, but my fiancé didn't! Well fuck him, this isn't a dictatorship and I'm bored out of my brain. As I was waiting for the elevator I hear our apartment door opening.   
  
"You're leaving? You can't even try to understand where I'm coming from? Where are you going? To get your nails done, again!"   
  
"Fuck you! Why not get my nails done, again? I don't have anything else to do!"   
  
  
The elevator doors open and I walk in without looking at him. As the doors start closing Jared's arm stops it. He looks straight at me, eyes raging, jaw clenched.  
"Well here's some money, you'll need it"   
He threw money at me and the doors close. I'm standing there gobsmacked! How dare he!! I push the open button, but the elevator has started going down so I press to stop the next floor and go back up. I can't let what he said be the last words. I am right, damn it and I deserve to be listened to. As I walk up to our door I quietly open it and can hear Jared's voice.   
"I don't know what to say to her. She's being totally irrational. Yeah I know, I shouldn't have said that but she pissed me off."   
"Irrational? You're calling me irrational? Does whoever you're on the phone know that this is because you won't let me work? Earn my own money so I don't get yours thrown at me?"   
"Well get a fucking job! Go! I don't want to look at you right now! Have fun telling them you can't work from April through to July! I'm sure anyone will hire you then!"   
"And why can't I work then? Oh that's right I'll be too busy following you around! Shit sorry honey, I forgot that this is all about you!"   
He looks at his phone and up at me. He puts his phone to his ear.   
"I'll talk to you later mom. Yes I will tell her and I love you too."   
He hangs up the phone and slides it into his pocket.   
"Mom says hello and I love you. She also said to tell you she thinks I'm being a jackass"   
"Huh, well she's right about that!"   
I walk over to the bar and pour out a tumbler of vodka. I stand and drink the entire thing and look back at Jared who's leaning against the kitchen counter. I pour myself another drink, smaller this time and walk over to the sofa.   
This is our first big fight, two months into our engagement and it had been brewing for the last month coming to a head this morning when Jared said I had to go to a con with him that weekend. I feel him sit down next to me and he puts his hand on my thigh. I can feel the tears welling but don't want to give him the satisfaction of upsetting me or making me look weak. I turn my face away from him, willing the tears away. He strokes my leg gently trying to get my attention.   
"Can you look at me"   
"You said you don't want to look.... At me"   
The last two words send me over the edge and I burst into tears. I can't calm down and my body is racking and I'm sobbing. I haven't felt this way in over 2 years and the pain inside me feels explosive. I can't look at Jared who is now trying to hug me but I pull away. I grab my drink and through snot and tears I wash it down. I need to be drunk.... Right now! I get up and still sobbing I pour myself more vodka and walk into our bedroom. I take a swig of my vodka, place it on the night stand and collapse in tears onto our bed. The tears don't stop, and feel like they will be never ending. It's the afternoon, on one of Jared's rare mid week days off and this is how we spend it. This makes me cry even harder. I drink down the rest of my vodka, and decide if I have a shower it will help me calm down. As I walk to the bathroom I can feel the effect of the vodka and I stumble slightly. In the shower I have the water as hot as my body can handle and lean forward, my head on the cool tiles.   
Someone is slapping me. Disoriented I open my eyes, Jared is looking down at me with a very worried look on his face.   
"Baby, can you hear me?"   
I nod at him and try and take in my surroundings my head is pounding and I'm naked on the bathroom floor.   
"What happened?   
"I don't know, I heard a bang and ran in here. You were in the shower, twisted, lying on the floor. I thought you were dead!"   
"I'm not, but I could certainly sleep!"   
"I think we should take you to the doctor and get your head checked out."   
"No, I'm ok, I'll just watch some television for a while."   
"How about going for a walk with me? Get some fresh air?"   
Jared helps me up and walks me to the bed. I sit down and he gets me some clothes and helps me dress. The effects of the alcohol doesn't help things but I manage to stand up and walk out the door.   
As we are walking down the street Jared takes my hand in his. If this was any other day it would bring a smile to my face, but I know that our disagreement is not over and has to be resolved. Jared can obviously feel my tension and pulls me next to him putting his arm around my waist.   
"We will work this out baby."   
I smile sadly up at him.   
"Will we??"   
He pulls me around and lowers his face to mine kissing me softly. I feel his tongue enter my mouth and I respond, adding more pressure. This feels so right. His hands on either side of my face. We break off the kiss and stare into each other's eyes.   
Jared smiles at me "you taste like a brewery! But seriously, us, together, we can work anything out. But not today."   
I reply with a nod and reach up to kiss him quickly and we continue our walk.   
"How's your head feeling?"   
"It doesn't hurt anymore, so that's a bonus!"   
We walk in silence, with the world surrounding us, noisy with people finishing work, laughing as they walk beside us. It feels like we are in our own bubble of discontent while everyone else is free to enjoy their day. As we make our way home I feel the tension of the day growing again. I turn Jared towards me and hug him quickly.   
"What's Jensen doing tonight? Maybe we should have him over for dinner?"  
  
"What you're asking is to have Jensen over to distract us?"  
"Yes, exactly!"  
He pulls out his phone and makes the call to Jensen.  
"Dinner at our place tonight?........ "Yeah, of course. See you then!"  
He looks at me and pulls me into him again. He's so warm and fits me perfectly into him.  
"Danneel and JJ are coming too."  
This puts a spring in my step and we walk back to the apartment.  
"What time are they coming?"  
"6 o'clock"  
That gives me half an hour to clean myself up and get some dinner ready. Jared plants himself on the sofa and leaves me to myself.  
"Hey guys!"  
From our bedroom I hear JJ running, presumably straight to Jared and as if on queue I hear him laugh for the first time today. I wander out to the living area and hug our guests. JJ is sitting on Jared's lap playing with his hair and for some reason this brings me to tears.  
"You ok??"  
I turn to Danneel, grab her hand and pull her into our bedroom.  
"I don't know what's wrong with me! Jared and I had our biggest argument ever today and I feel like it could break us!"  
"Break you and Jared? No I don't think that's possible. You guys seem to be ok now?"  
"That's because I drank a whole lot of vodka and passed out in the shower. We both agreed that today is the wrong day to figure it out. But we still need to resolve it and the pain in my heart is tearing me apart!"  
I break down in tears once again and She  hugs me tightly to her.  
"I know both of you and although it feels broken and painful now, I know you'll be fine!"  
I shake my head, not in disagreement but just pulling myself together. I hear the soft patter of feet knowing JJ had just come in the room.  
"Why are you crying? Was someone mean to you?"  
"No sweetheart, I just missed your hugs and kisses."  
I pull her in and hug her tightly kissing her all over her head making her giggle and squirm. I throw her back on the bed and start tickling her, laughing at her laughing. I love this child and at this moment she is the best therapy I could ask for.  
"Oh shit! Dinner!!"  
"You have to put money in the swear jar!"  
I smile down at JJ knowing she is right, usually Jared is the biggest contributor to the swear jar, but she caught me fair and square.  
The rest of the night passes with easy comfort and a relaxed atmosphere. Everyone drinks some wine, except me, l had had my share already that day, so when the night wears down and our friends leave Jared and I stroll into our bedroom in comfortable silence.  
I wake up in the middle of the night and run to the toilet bringing up dinner and the vodka, my hangover setting in early. I stay in the bathroom for a while and lay down on the cool tiles. I vomit a couple more times before I go back to bed. I wake up to Jared leaning over me coming in to kiss me. I return his kiss.  
"Clif's here, waiting downstairs. Did you want him to come and grab you later and we can have lunch together?"  
"Yep, just tell him to text me when he's on his way. I feel like this hangover may keep me in bed until then."  
Jared laughs at this  
 "Ok baby, I'll see you later. Oh, how's your head?"  
I look him in the eyes "hungover" and make my face look sad.  
He walks out of the room laughing and I fall back to sleep, waking half an hour later to empty my stomach. I laze around the house and eat a couple of dry crackers and drink some water, just waiting to hear from Clif.  
In the car with Clif, he gives me a few questioning looks. I know this means that Jared had told him everything this morning. Once we get to set I'm informed that Jared is still on set and will be finishing up soon, so I head to his trailer and make myself at home. I notice on the coffee table some type of magazine which I grab to read. It's not a magazine it's a travel brochure for Australia and in Jared's hand writing are the dates May 24 - June 12. I slam it down, the anger rising once more. I sit there fuming, so when Jared walks in I go at him guns blazing.  
"Now you're planning fucking holidays without even asking me? Where's the communication here Jared?"  
"Babe, I've been trying to explain..."  
"Yeah explain how I have no say in the matter. Explain how I'm the thing you drag around with you? Explain..."  
Jared pushes me backward so I hit the wall with a thud leaving me breathless. I stare up at Jared, his face looks like thunder. I use all the strength in my body and shove him back, the feeling of built up frustration is insurmountable! We lock eyes, neither of us backing down.  
"I'll explain!"  
Ignoring him, needing to release the frustration, my body against his and lock my mouth on his, I crawl up his body and lock my legs around his waist. Raging. He breaks us apart and pushes me again but not as hard and follows it with his mouth, forcing my mouth open with his tongue. His hands usually so loving are ripping at my clothes, I want, no, need this and within a minute I am standing in my underwear. Jared pulls down the cups of my bra, grabbing one breast and squeezing, while his mouth assaults my other.  
"Jared."  
He leaves my breast and looks at me. He grabs a breast in each hand, looks me straight in the eyes and squeezes them. My eyes widen, my body's energy takes over and I push my hips forward and into Jared's pelvis. His hands continuously squeezing my breasts the sensation becoming quite unbelievable. His lips start their assault on mine again. Undoing his belt and jeans my hand grasps his length, I squeeze and pull. Wanting him. Suddenly he's gone. I look up bewildered, his breathing rapid, face a mixture of anger and passion as he sheds his clothes.  
"Take your panties off!"  
I immediately take them off and Jared grabs my shoulder and moves me over to the back of the sofa, pushes my head down so my bottom is in the air and I'm leaning down onto the sofa.  
With that he kicks my legs apart, opening me up to him. I push my bottom back towards him. Fingers enter me powerfully thrusting. I grab the sofa. More and more he pushes into me. Nipples swollen and tender being pushed against the sofa. Panting. Wanting. Fingers circling my clit. My hair grabbed, pulling my head back. One powerful thrust is enough and I orgasm around him. No slowing down. Faster. Harder he plows into me. I groan my head is pulled back more so I am upright. Hands find my nipples, they squeeze and twist sending rockets through my body.  
Pulling out of me he moves me over to the table and lies me down on it and walks away. He comes back a moment later with my vibrator egg in his hand he pushes me back but grabs my hips and pulls them to the edge of the table. His face raging with passion. The egg gets turned on, pushed into me and left there. Hands push my knees apart. His mouth licking and sucking. My body shattering. Vibrator taken out and quickly placed in my lower folds. Body trembling. The vibration explosive. Tongue lapping. Fingers intruding. In and out. In and out. Added finger. Harder and faster. Juices squirt. The onslaught continues. No slowing down. Hips rising. Nipples squeezed. A hand on my stomach. Penis plunges in. I scream. I can't breath. I push forward wanting more. Holding on to the table he thrusts. Grabs my legs, then ankles raising them up and pushing them wide. Harder and harder. Pounding. Moaning. Pounding. Constant orgasm. Breath short. His arms circle my legs holding them and bringing me closer to him. Fingers reach my clit. Too much. Grunting. Pushing. He explodes into me. He pulls out and slowly takes the vibrator away.  
My body is racking and muscles twitching all over, I can't move. I feel myself being lifted and placed down on the sofa. Barely able to open my eyes I look for him. He comes back and hands me a glass of water, but I can't hold it, my body has no control. He holds the glass up to my lips so I can drink.  He then starts putting one of his shirts on me and comes in to kiss me. So soft and gentle, beautiful.  
"Please let me get this out? Please?"  
His voice is pleading with me, so I nod and rest my head back onto the sofa.  
"I have been keeping something from you, which I wanted to surprise you with, but how things are going at the moment I need to tell you. I planned on telling you during our lunch, but that didn't happen. We have a convention in Australia in May which is the last one for the year. I wanted to spend time with you there. Here, look."  
He hands me the travel booklet and opens it to a page which has his writing on it and a few doodles. I look at it and start reading the description.  
"Crystal Creek Rainforest Retreat  
Surrounded by the beautiful Northern New South Wales rainforest it is the perfect get away for couples wanting to share their time together without distraction. We offer secluded cabins so you won't know there is anyone else nearby."  
I stop reading and look up at Jared with tears in my eyes.  
"I'm sorry I was being such an ass about you getting a job and some of the things I said are inexcusable, but please please forgive me. I know that you feel like I drag you around with me everywhere, but honestly it's because I love you and I love you being with me. If you do want to get a job, I do support you, but if you could hold off I would love to spend that time with you."  
Tears are rolling down my face as I grab his hand and pull him towards me. I sit up and hold his face in my hands and kiss him. I can taste the salt of my tears mixed with the taste of him.  
"Yes, I would love to go with you! I love you too!"  
"I'm going to grab us some lunch, do you want anything in particular?"  
I shake my head and he heads out the door. My stomach starts rumbling and I realise that I'm actually starving and want some Tex Mex. I stand up testing my legs and walk to the trailers bedroom and grab some of Jared's shorts. I spot myself in the mirror and giggle at how silly I look and bolt out the door running to catch up with Jared.  
"Tex Mex, I really want Tex Mex! I'm starving and realised I only had a couple of crackers this morning!"  
We go over to the food van and I get my plate piled high. Jared gives me a sideways glance, raises his eyebrows and smiles. Back in the trailer we sit down to eat and I can't get over how yummy the food is and I'm shovelling it in.  
"Wow! You are hungry! You may even finish all of it!"  
I nod enthusiastically and smile at him with my mouth full of food. He laughs and we eat in comfortable silence. I am so full, so I push my uneaten food over to him to finish off. I watch as he finishes his plate and drags mine in front of him. There's a knock at the door informing Jared that he's needed on set in ten minutes.  
"Did you want Clif to take you home or did you want to stay here? Choice is yours, but we should finish early today, and I thought we could go and see a movie or something tonight?"  
"Yep, I'll wait here, I may go and say hi to Zabrina."  
"I'm sorry I was so rough with you before. Are you ok? I didn't hurt you too much?"  
"I'm fine, a little sore, but good sore. I think we both needed to let it all out. I love you!"  
With that he leans down and kisses me goodbye. Exhausted from a terrible night sleep, a workout session with Jared and so many emotions I fall asleep.  
I am woken up with soft little kisses. I pull him down on top of me loving his weight and start to kiss him more. A wave of nausea passes over me, so I push him off and run to the bathroom. When I come out I tell him my head is pounding and I think we should pass on the movie as I think a migraine is setting in. He looks so worried, so when he gets up and practically runs outside I don't know what to think so I just stand there dumbstruck. A few minutes later I've sat down and Jared enters, followed by the nurse hired by production. Jared has filled her in with all the details from me drinking and passing out in the shower to throwing up just now. She asks me a few questions and then advises us I should see a doctor because I could still have a concussion or worse. Jared makes a few quick phone calls and we are off to the doctors, being cradled  as if I could break. The doctor checks me over and asks me all the usual things. He puts it down to a hangover or possibly food poisoning, but otherwise I'm fine. We stop at the drugstore so I can go in and get some painkillers. Jared offers to go in, but I need to get a few personal things so tell him I'll go.  
Ah, painkillers setting in and the pain in my head recedes. I am on the sofa while Jared is heating up some leftovers from the night before, so I decide to have a shower and get ready for bed. While I'm in the bathroom I take care of my female problems and have a shower. When I get out I dry myself off and look in the mirror and take note of how crappy I look. The past two days have been terrible and starring at myself I can see the toll it's taken on my body.  
"Did I do that?"  
I have multiple bruises over my body and I turn to look at hisface which is full of remorse. His eyes travel down my body and stops at my legs, a horrified look takes place of remorse. I look down and see what he is looking at. Near the top of my calf is a massive bruise in the shape of a mouth from where he had bitten me. I walk over to him.  
[](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aL9PndYHogg/VlgwznKPcyI/AAAAAAAAADA/KijI7bGI1Sk/s1600/8O6D0E1-.jpg)  
"They don't hurt sweet heart!"  
His eyes meet mine but are quickly distracted by something to the counter. His eyes flick back to me asking a question. I reach up, kiss him and nod. He walks over and picks up the stick with two pink lines.  
"We are going to have a baby?"  
I look at him, returning his smile.  
"It seems so!"


	4. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

Red hot searing pain screams through my body, my half asleep brain try's to comprehend what is happening. Another lightening flash of pain starts, burning through my body, my stomach feels like it's being ripped apart.  
  
  
"Jared.... Jared! Wake up! We need to go to the hospital! We have to go now!"  
  
  
The pain is so intense I'm struggling to move. Jared comes up next to me, helps me up, lifts me in his arms and starts walking out of the apartment. My body contracts with pain again, I look at him with pure fear in my eyes I bury my head in his chest and scream. I can feel wetness and realise that my water has broken. As the pain recedes I look up into eyes as fearful as mine.  
  
  
"This is happening too quickly! We won't make it to the hospital! The baby will come too soon!"  
  
  
The paramedics are at the front of our complex ready to receive us. I don't even know when Jared rang them, but I am so thankful for it. The paramedics ask a lot of questions which Jared answers, but obviously worry him.  
  
  
"Will everything be ok?"  
  
  
It's then, in a pain free moment I notice that Jared has blood all over him. I go into a panic.  
  
  
"What's happening? Why is there...."  
  
  
My scream fills the ambulance, pain racking my body.  
  
  
"6 months gestation."  
  
  
Then everything goes black...  
  
  
Three days of madness, three days of fun, three days and my life change forever. My friend and I run around trying to take in everything, knowing that this could possibly be the only Convention we ever go to.  Lots of alcohol and no sleep bring us to Sunday morning.  Bleary eyed, but so excited we make our way down to the Gold Panel, dreaming of coffee and how our Photo ops would turn out.  Jared and Jensen are beautiful, both in looks and personality as our photos go by in a blink of an eye.  
  
  
The day before my friend convinced me that I should put my name down to ask a question, so my excitement level rose when my name was picked out.   I know the question that I wanted to ask, I had dreamed of asking it for the past 4 years, so with nervous energy I wait in line.  
  
  
“Last Question!”  
  
  
My excitement plummets as my chance of asking my question flies away.  I get shoved forward, my head springs up and I realise that my question is the last question.  
  
  
“YES!!”  
  
  
I run up to the stage, bursting with excitement.  I stop because I can’t resist hugging Rob on my way through. I dance my way over to Jared and Jensen, my smile ripping my face in two.   They both hug me, but Jensen pulls away first moving to the front of the stage, Jared's arm stays around my shoulder.  
  
  
“Ok Guys, the for the last question we are mixing it up a little! Jared and I...”  
  
  
“Me... Jared and Me!!”  
  
  
Jared teases, but locks eyes with me.  
  
  
“Jared and ME have decided that since we always miss karaoke that the last question can be asked after this little lady does her best karaoke!”  
  
  
The blood drains from my face and I feel my feet attempting to walk me backwards, but the arm that was around my shoulders now has a vice like grip around my waist.  I look straight up at Jared who is staring at me like I am the only person in the room.  
  
  
“No no no no.... you really don’t want me to do this!  I am seriously tone deaf and will make every person in this room bleed from their ears!”  
  
  
Jared and Jensen laugh in response and I thought I may have gotten out of it, until I looked up at Jared cheekily smiling down at me.  
  
  
“So, what will you sing?”  
  
  
“I believe in a thing called love, by The Darkness, but I have to have something done for me first.”  
  
  
As I try and turn to talk to both of them, Jared's arm which was resting on my hip tightens again keeping me locked by his side.  
  
  
“Ok, firstly, don't say I didn't warn you and secondly, if I’m doing this, Jensen you have to play air guitar like your life depends on it and Jared you have to rock out the cowbell!”  
  
  
“Deal!”  
  
  
I walk over to the other side of the stage and stand in front of the mic.  
  
  
Louden Swain start the music, Jared and Jensen have started living up to their end of the bargain and then it’s my queue. The song feels like it’s been going for about 24 hours when we come to the end.   
Everyone in the crowd cheers... for Jared and Jensen and I make my way over to them.   I take my seat and they put their arms around me.  
  
  
“So, what’s your question?”  
  
  
“Well just so you know I had been planning for 4 years to ask you a very specific question, but right now the only question I want to know the answer to is this... Why the hell did you make me sing that entire song?”  
  
  
They both start laughing, Jared slapping my shoulder and Jensen raising his arms in victory. They follow this by hugging me again.  
  
  
Jared pulls away giving me a cheeky grin, and staring at me for the third time in fifteen minutes. Jensen squeezes me in a tight hug.  My head spinning I walk off the stage and go to find my friend.  
  
  
During the Autos I feel a calmness creep over me, not nervous at all speaking with Jared and Jensen again, I mean after what I had already done, this was easy!  I walk over and they both look up and grin.  
  
  
“Hello you! Hell of a show back there”  
  
  
I smile at Jared's teasing comment and feel a shiver down my spine when he smiles back at me.  
  
  
“Hello you, back! What can I say, I'm secretly awesome! Can you sign this for me? I don’t mind what you write.”  
  
  
His face is unreadable as draws something on it, signs it and turns it over and scribbles on it.  
  
  
“Thanks!”  
  
  
I move on to Jensen and say the same thing.  He smiles at what Jared has done and repeats the same process. My friend grabs my hand pulling me out of the room so fast I don't get to check my auto.  We are exhausted we decide to blow off the rest of the day and head back to our hotel room to sleep.  I lay on my bed, the memories of the day swirling around, a smile comes to my face!  I think about how this weekend has changed my life – amazing!  Too buzzed to actually sleep I decide to go over all my con goodies. My photo ops came out great, I had bought some beautiful jewellery and I had all my autos done.  I reach over to have a look at the photo of Sam and Dean which I had Jared and Jensen sign.  They had turned each other into women which cracks me up. I turn it over, wondering what Jared wrote. A phone number!  My heart stills, wondering what the hell this means I run in to the other bedroom.  
  
  
“Please tell me what you think this means??”  
  
  
“I have no clue! Why don’t you send a message to the phone number and see what happens!”  
  
  
I walk into my room and sit on my bed, stunned.  Grabbing my phone I hold it to my chest willing myself not to get too excited at the meaning of this.  
  
  
My head is spinning as I nervously type "should I be afraid you want me to sing again?"  
  
  
I hold my phone hoping; no praying for an immediate reply, but it doesn’t come.  I lie down, feeling let down about something that I didn’t even know about. I fall asleep thinking about how this weekend has been fantastic.  Vibration next to my head wakes me and with sleepy eyes I read his response..  
  
"If I asked, would you give me a private show?"  
  
  
Holy crap! Is this really Jared? I can't believe it!  
  
  
I sit and look at my phone for about five minutes and then run into the other room and throw my phone at my friend.  She looks at my phone, then up at me and then back to my phone.  
  
  
“What do I reply to that?”  
  
  
"It's your chance! Quit freaking out and answer him!"  
  
  
My hands are shaking as I respond.  
  
"I'm sure I could if I was asked in person?"  
  
  
The answer is immediate.  
  
"Room number? I'm on my way up!"  
  
  
I search through my luggage and realise that my choice of out fit is quite limited, so I just go for jeans and a white tee.  My door buzzes and I flip out, jumping around the room with excitement, but as I open the door I brush my hair to the side and smile.  
  
  
“Hello you!”  
  
  
He doesn't respond straight away and just stares at me.  
  
  
"Hello you back. You haven't said that in over a year!"  
  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
  
"Babe, what are you talking about?"  
  
  
I feel a rigid pain in my stomach.  
  
  
"Babe, babe?? Wake up!"  
  
  
I slowly move my head around and look at my room. The white walls are bare, there is a machine next to me, a drip in my arm and I spot a few people dressed in white standing off to the side.  
  
  
It all comes crashing back to me. My hands frantically move down my body feeling for the growth inside me, but it feels more like jelly, empty. My eyes meet Jared's and in them I see my answer. A wave of nausea comes over me.  
  
  
"Bathroom!"  
  
  
He carries me in, closing the door behind us and holds my hair as I lean over the toilet. My body racking, trying to desperately get rid of the emotional pain  suffocating me. I collapse back into jared and we sink to the floor together. Our bodies as entangled as our emotions. Sobbing into each other and trying to hold each other as tight and as close possible.  The pain inside me is ripping and crippling me. There is no relief, there is only the man surrounding me who's devastation matches my own.


	5. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

"Do you remember the first time we met?"  
I am pulled backwards into the body laying directly behind me. His voice as quiet as our mood. I know by this question it is his attempt to lighten the somber mood that has surrounded us for the past few weeks.  
"Of course I do, it was of the most embarrassing moments of my life."  
"So you don't remember?"I roll over to face him.  
"I sang to an entire crowd of people, yes I remember!"  
"That wasn't the first time we met baby. We had our first photo taken together before that."  
"Well, of course, but the Photo op only lasted about ten seconds."  
"That was the first time I saw you and the first time I hugged you. It's one of my favourite memories, because I knew within seconds you were going to be in my life."  
I look up at Jared, surprised that I had never heard him say that.  
"Really?"  
He shuffles down a little to kiss me quickly before continuing.  
"Have you ever noticed that we have never had someone sing before the last question again? Ever wondered why?"  
"I presumed it was because you learned your lesson with me."  
"No, Jensen planned that whole thing because I had mentioned you to him. He knew that I wanted more time with you."  
I am blown away by this admission, but not really surprised that they would do something like it. I feel my tears welling again.  
"And now as a woman I can't even give you what my body was born to do."  
He pulls me in to him as my crying starts again.  
"I love you!"  
He pulls my head away from his chest and up towards him.  
"No matter what happens, I will always love you!"  
"I love you too."  
He leans down and kisses me and puts my head back onto his chest. Our bodies, mine shaking as the tears flow, relax together.  
Sometime later I wake up in an empty bed, so I get up and wander towards the living room and can hear Jared on the phone.  
"I can't help... No don't come over... We need to be alone"  
I hear him break down, knowing how strong he is trying to be for me. I walk over to him and put my arms tightly around him and take the phone from him.  
"We'll ring you back."  
I hang up, throw the phone on the sofa and let him fall into me sobbing. I stand there holding his weight determined to be his strength as he has been for me.  
"Jared, I think we should go to Austin tomorrow, we need to be around people who love us!"  
Flying into Austin and the sense of being close to home gives my body the first feeling of warmth it's had in weeks. During our drive home we share a few looks of knowing. What questions are we going to be asked? Will we be able to hold our tears in? Will our pain bring pain to those we love? And the hardest one of all, how will we talk to the boys about it? Jared pulls me to him and we rest our heads together.  
Home.  
The next time we were scheduled to be here we should have been a family of 3, so as the two of us enter the empty house we turn and hug each other, releasing quiet tears and mourning for what was taken from us.  
"Daddy!"  
Shep runs in like a whirlwind, bringing energy to our house like a welcome breeze. The boys run up to us and jump up for hugs. Tom is in my arms squeezing as hard as his little arms will squeeze. He pulls back and holds my face in his chubby hands.  
"Mama said that our baby sister went to heaven, is that true?"  
His face, so sad it breaks me and the tears start falling.  
"Yes sweetie it is."  
He looks at me so sincerely and smiles the cutest smile.  
"Well you have us and we're not going anywhere!"  
"I do have you and I love you two boys more than the world!"  
I put Tom down and go over to Gen and hug her.  
"What about me?"  
I turn and see Shep smiling up at me.  
"Come here you!"  
I squat down to receive him as he jumps toward me. His force makes me lose my balance and we fall backwards making Shep squeal with delight. As I lay on the floor laughing for the first time since losing the baby I know Jared and I made the best decision coming home.  
We spend the next two weeks surrounded by our friends and family, laughter coming easier and easier as the days went by. In our moments together we talk about all the little things we love and discuss the things that are tough. When do we try again? Do we try again? Can we try again? No matter what questions we have, none of them can be answered until we see our doctor in Vancouver in two days time. We say goodbye to everyone and head back to our second home.  
The morning of our doctors appointment we are sitting at breakfast and I look up at the love of my life.  
"I know we have discussed this over and over, but I have made my mind up about something and I want to tell you before we are at the doctors."  
Jared looks up at me, worry on his face.  
"I don't even want to think about trying for another baby until after we get married, for no reason other than I want time to mourn our loss and not replace her. Is that ok?"  
Jared gets up and walks over to me pulling me into his arms.  
"Baby, whenever you're ready! If we are laying everything out there is something I want you to know as well. If the doctor says pregnancy will put you at risk, I don't want to risk it. I can't live without you!"  
He has tears in his eyes and raw pain behind them. I had never thought about what he went through that night.  
"Well let's just see what the doctor says ok?  
The doctor informs me that I will be able to get pregnant again and there won't be a risk to my life, but the chances of late miscarriage happening again is very high due to a distorted uterus. If I did get pregnant and not miscarry the baby would be born prematurely.  
Once home we sit down together and come to an agreement that we will use multiple birth controls until after marriage. If I get pregnant after that we will see what happens.  
"I'm happy with this!"  
I smile up at him and he nods in agreement and smiles back at me.  
"So, you know that the doctor gave us another time frame right? What do you think about that?"  
In answer to that I lay down in Jared's lap and stare innocently up at him.  
"And which time frame was that?"  
His hand grazes my nipple ever so lightly.  
"You know what one of my favourite memories is?"  
"What's that?"  
"The night of our first date on the taxi ride home and every bump we went over your hand grazed my nipple!"  
"Oh! I was praying for those bumps"  
Laughing he touches my nipple again but tweaks the nipple. Obviously not satisfied with the clothes between his hand and my body he starts pulling it up. I sit up to help him out but surprise him by rolling onto my stomach when I lay back down. I reach for his belt and undo his jeans. He raises his hips so it's easy for me to slide them off. Grasping his flaccid penis I start lightly pumping him and I feel him relax back into the sofa and he puts his hand lightly on my naked back. Once his erection grows I lower my mouth onto him and taste him. Oh I have missed him this way and with renewed energy I suck harder and take him deeply. He raises his hips wanting me to take him deeper. Two hands grab my head an pull me away.  
"Babe, it's been too long and I'm not going to last if you keep going!"  
"I don't mind! I'm loving this!"  
"This is our moment, together for the first time in months, I won't be the only one satisfied!"  
He moves me off him and grabs my hand taking me to our bedroom. We both undress and lay down facing each other. His hand on my hip he rolls me onto my back, his hand then moving up to one of my nipples, his mouth sucking the other. I can feel his hardness against my hip as his hand makes it down my body. Instead of touching me where my need is pooling his hand grabs my leg and puts it over his hip, opening me up to him. His fingers slowly enter me, being more gentle with me than ever before. I need more so I start  to push matching each thrust. Understanding my need he starts on my clit and I moan in response. He keeps on going, but keeping my leg over his hip rolls me away from him, but pulls me back, so close I can feel his chest hair on my back and his erection against my bottom. He raises my leg up, positions himself and painfully slow slides himself into me. In and out. Slowly he plunges but hitting my g-spot with every thrust. I push back. I want more. My leg gets lifted higher so he can finger my clit at the same time. So close. Every thrust bringing me closer. I want more. I move away from him and roll on my back. In seconds he is in between my legs. I raise them up, he grabs my ankles and plunges deeply into me. With every thrust he stimulates my clit. Harder and deeper. Our eyes lock. His movements becoming faster. My body shaking about to release.  
"Hold on"  
Eyes locked he continues to pound me. His muscles contracting his body becomes rigid.  
"Now!"  
And with one final thrust we orgasm around each other.  
Our breathing echoes the room as Jared collapses on top of me. He kisses me tenderly and lifts himself up looking at me.  
"Are you ok?"  
"More than ok!"


	6. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

I don't think anything in life can be as boring as cleaning. I know some people love it, but me, it's something I loathe. We had decided that since it was a non Con weekend and Gen had taken the boys on a little holiday, we would stay in Vancouver and re organise the apartment. The worst part about this is that it was my idea!    
"Why the hell did you agree with me when I said this was a good idea?"   
The only response I get is laughter from another room. We had decided that we had designated rooms so we didn't distract each other and we'd get it done faster. I keep at it for another hour and decide that we need a break, so I grab a couple of beers and head into Jared's study.    
"Here you go hon!"   
He had obviously had the same idea because he was sitting on the sofa with a box in his lap. He pats the couch next to him and I flop down and give him his beer. We hit our beers together and have a big swig.    
"Babe, I found something that I think we should look at together?"   
"Hmm, what's that?"   
"Ages ago I had some photos developed and I had completely forgotten about them. They are from when we were in Australia."   
I knew immediately that these photos were going to be hard to look at, but knew, four months after losing our daughter, I was as close to being ready to see them as I would ever get!  I snuggle closer into Jared as he opens the box.  The photos are beautiful and our faces radiant. There are many of us where Jared's hand is on my slightly protruding belly. I remember a few of these being taken, so when we come across one in particular our breaths stop. I look up at Jared knowing this photo was going to be hard for him; he has tears in his eyes when he looks down at me.    
"I was so excited at this moment, do you remember?"   
"Of course I do, it was the first time you felt her moving, so you started whispering to her about how in love you were already."   
My tears start falling at this memory. We had been laying in bed and our daughter had started doing somersaults inside me. I had grabbed Jared's hand and placed it on my belly. His face had lit up like a Christmas tree. He bent down and kissed my belly and started talking to our daughter.    
"I'm happy I got that photo of the two of you."   
Now in hindsight, it's quite astounding how, with the amount of pain we went through it didn't shatter our relationship, but made us closer.    
"I think I'll frame this one and have it on my desk next to my photos of Tom and Shep."   
"I think that's a fantastic idea! You know what else is a good idea?"   
I get up and move the box and go back and straddle his lap.    
"Giving up on cleaning out the apartment?"   
"Baby, this weekend is the only time to do it! We have a con next weekend, then we're in Austin and then another con!"   
He grabs my hips and plonks me next to him.    
"But I don't wanna!"   
I pull my best pouty face and all he does is laugh. I concede that I have lost this round, finish off my beer and go and clean my sections of the apartment.    
The next 3 weeks fly by and all of a sudden we are flying into Los Angeles for PasCon. It's my favourite convention spot, because it comes with it all the memories of the first time we met. I grab hold of Jared's hand, squeeze it and look up at him.    
"It's our two year anniversary this weekend!"   
"Really, I'd forgotten! Lucky you remembered a day before!"   
I'm so terrible at remembering dates, but Jared remembers everything and loves to pay me out about it!   
"I loved how cool you were trying to be when you opened that hotel room door."   
"I loved how cool you were trying to be when I opened that door!"   
"Ok, smartass! Just so you know, I've booked dinner for us for tomorrow night to celebrate."   
I had decided that I wanted to experience this con with my friends, so I ditched Jared at the airport and caught a taxi to the hotel. I went in and registered and made my way up to the penthouse; we were doing this con in style! None of my girlfriends were there, so I settled myself in and made my way down to the craziness of the con.    
I decide to wait near the photo ops, knowing that after the R2M panel that's where they would head. I am so excited about seeing them, that for a few moments all my heartbreak is gone. I'm just a squeeing fangirl hanging out with all the other fangirls and I love it!  Having time to burn I decide to buy a Jared Padalecki photo op just to surprise him on our anniversary.    
As everyone starts coming out of the panel I see my girlfriends and get excited all over again! We jump around like teenagers and receive a few understanding looks from other con attendees.    
"So are you guys all heading to Photo ops now? I'll tag along and watch."   
"Hell yeah we are! I need my photo with Rob! I think it's true love!"   
We all share an understanding laugh at how the emotions at a con are wild! Although in my case the emotions never ended.    
Throughout all the photo ops, I stand back, watching as all the fans had their photo taken and walking away, their faces beaming. There's a pang of sadness, wishing I could experience that feeling again and then my mind wanders to my life and how everyday I wake up and experience that happiness.    
"You're miles away! Did you see our photo?"   
I look at my group of friends and shake my head.    
"Sorry, was just thinking about how happy everyone is at cons."   
As we start making our way back to see Misha's panel, my Italian friend who is so incredibly good at picking up my emotions pulls me aside.    
"Are you ok honey?"   
"Yes, I am. I don't know what's going on with me right now, but I'm a bundle of emotions. Other than the events of the past few months I'm so happy and for some reason being here makes me feel guilty."   
She pulls me into a hug and then looks me straight in the eyes.    
"This weekend, you are just a fangirl enjoying a con with her girlfriends. Now if anything will make you happy it is watching Misha's panel, so let's go!"   
Grabbing my hand and pulling me in the room it amazes me how she does that with me, but she's right; we make our way to our seats and I laugh the whole way through the panel.    
We are all super excited about "Saturday Night Special" so decide to go and have a few drinks and dinner beforehand. I know exactly where I want to go and suggest it to my friends.    
"But isn't that the place Jared took you on your first date? That may be where he booked for tomorrow night?"   
"Yes it is, but he wouldn't have booked there tomorrow night, knowing that's where I would presume he would take me.  I haven't been there since and would love to take you girls there?"   
Walking into the restaurants bar brings back a flooding of memories and I actually feel a hint of the nerves that I felt that night. We all get seated and start out with some drinks before ordering dinner. The drinks and conversation fly, and I am telling them a personal story and that's when they all go silent so I feel like I yelled to the entire restaurant.    
"You wouldn't believe how good he is in the sack!"   
My friends faces are stoic and my face is horrified. It's then two hands come down on my shoulders and a breath hits my neck.    
"You'd better be talking about me baby!"   
I spin around face to face with Jared who's laughing at my horrified face.    
"This is supposed to be a girls night out! What are you three doing here?"   
"Well it seems we had the same idea, I dragged Clif and Jensen here because I hadn't been here since our first date!"   
"Are you guys going to SNS tonight?"   
"Yeah, Jensen is going to sing tonight since it's the last con for the year and I thought I'd have some drinks backstage with everyone. Did you guys want to join us backstage?"   
"To be honest I haven't been to an SNS in two years, but I'll leave that up to the girls."   
Even though I'm sure the girls would have loved to go backstage, we decide since we are just regular fangirls this weekend we will watch like everyone else.    
"No problem! I'll see you tomorrow baby!"   
"Jared! You know what I think? I think all the Samgirls would love to see you on stage tonight!"   
I give him a wink and he walks off laughing.    
I don't know anyone who doesn't love "Saturday Night Special" and we have a fantastic night. Jensen sings and the crowd goes nuts, but my favourite part was Jared walking out on stage to accompany Jensen's singing with the Cowbell! The Samgirls, myself included went fangirl crazy!   
We stay up drinking way too late and wake up with terrible hangovers, but determined not to miss gold panel we straggle out of bed and make ourselves as presentable as possible!    
I love seeing Jared and Jensen on stage together, but what I love the most is that I know intimately that this isn't just a show, it's them just being them. A couple of times Jared catches my eye and gives me a wink or a smile. It makes me giggle like the fangirl I am!   
Lining up for the Photo ops I actually get a little nervous, I have no idea why, but I have butterflies and it makes me smile. Once I get closer I make eye contact with Jared. He looks at me with confusion and I smile cheekily back at him. Once it's my turn I ignore Jared and walk over to Chris, hug him and give him my instructions.    
"Hi Chris! I am going to whisper something in Jared's ear. Can you try and capture his reaction? It's our two year anniversary so I want you to capture this moment."   
"Sure, I'll take a few so you can choose which ones you want. I'll keep them with me and give them to you later."   
"By the way Chris, you rocked last night!"   
I walk over to Jared and hug him tight.    
"Ok! What pose are we doing? I'm presuming it's something silly by the way you were talking with Chris!"   
"Ok, but I want to whisper it to you ok?"   
I love seeing him so confused, but he bends down slightly and I lean up towards him.   
"I'm not wearing any panties and its so I can go and touch myself after this photo, and you'll be here thinking about it!"   
I smile up at him sweetly, his face a mixture of shock and fierce passion. A laugh breaks the moment.    
"Got it guys! Pretty sure you'll love it!"   
I give him a quick hug and start to walk off. Once I'm about two metres away I pretend to drop my handbag and knowing he's looking at me walk away, I bend down from the waist, knowing my skirt has ridden up and Jared can see I wasn't lying.    
"Stop!"   
He walks over to me and leans down to talk quietly.    
"Please tell me you will hold off until tonight? I won't get through the day thinking about you!"   
"Yes honey, I'll hold off, I have my panties in my bag and I'm going to put them on. I was just teasing so Chris could get a photo of your reaction. Now go back to your fans and have fun with them."   
As always the J2 panel is going great until I hear someone ask Jared about his new girlfriend and was it true that she is pregnant. Jared and I lock eyes, but I feel all the blood rush out of my face and I feel my friends surrounding me. I can't breathe. Two strong arms pull me up and I feel myself being lead somewhere. I am embraced by Jared and want the world to disappear.    
"We can do this, and we are doing it together. I love you!"   
After he says this I look up at him and he leans down to kiss me.    
"Are you ready?"   
"No... But yes."   
We head up onto the stage and Jensen comes over and hugs me hard, knowing this moment was going to be hard on us. I could actually kiss Jensen when he takes the lead on the answer.    
"To answer this question it seems only appropriate to have the woman in question up here with us."   
Jensen introduces me to everyone and tells them about when I sang at PasCon two years before and that's when we started dating. My heart is racing as I feel Jared's arm around my waist.    
"Because we are all family here, I know I can share this with you, but please understand that this is the only time I will talk publicly about it in detail."   
He looks down at me as I struggle to keep the tears at bay, but I nod my head for him to continue.    
"To answer your question, we got engaged close to a year ago now and found out we were expecting a baby a little bit after. Our daughter was born prematurely at 24 weeks and didn't survive. This time has been very hard for us, but we have had a lot of support. I do want to say that as this time has passed, one of the things we looked forward to was con weekends because we got to spend time with our extended family, so thank you. Today is our second anniversary and we are spending it with you. In fact I have been with Jensen and Clif all weekend and my fiancé has been fangirling with her girlfriends all weekend."   
He looks down at me and smiles.    
"Did you want to add anything?"   
"No, I'd like to get back to my seat honey, this stage brings back memories or Air guitar, cowbells and terrible singing!"   
He quickly kisses me and I walk off the stage and everyone clapping. I feel the warm embrace of the SPN Family.    
  



	7. Bubbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

"I have been thinking we should set a date for the wedding since we are all ready celebrating our second anniversary?" I look over a Jared smiling at me, now with a mouthful of dessert.  "Okay honey, but if you want to make the decision I'll be happy with whenever. Your schedule is a little tighter than mine!" "I was thinking during my break over summer after the conventions end?" I smile up at him, loving that he had already given it some thought.  "Sounds good to me!" "How many people are you wanting to invite? I was thinking a maximum of 200 guests, but if you want more I'm fine with that too!" His smile is so big, that I get a little worried about his reaction to my thoughts, so I reach over and take his hand in mine.  "I've been thinking about this to and I will again let you decide on the final number, but I was thinking small, at home in Austin. I don't need a big wedding, I just want you.  I do however understand if this doesn't work for you." He releases his breath with a sigh and smiles at me.  "I love you! And I had been thinking the same thing! So, summer, Austin, small, you and me, sound good?" "Sounds excellent!" We return to our desserts and finish them off in silence.  "So, am I dropping you off at your hotel, or are you coming back with me to my room?" "Mr Padalecki! How dare you insinuate that a lady like myself would go home with you after our date!" I spin around and look up at him smiling. Reaching up to kiss him, as he leans down to meet me half way.  "Honey, it's the last night with the girls and who knows when I will see them again, do you mind?" "Of course not baby, but you can't knock me for trying to get lucky with my sexy fiancé!" We continue our walk and head towards my hotel. Ever the gentleman, so I think, he takes me up to my floor and walks me to my door.  "Thank you for walking me to my door! I do see another date in our futu..." I am cut off by Jared taking my lips with his and pushing me up against the door. I open my mouth to invite his tongue to wrestle with mine. His hands go into my hair pushing me closer to him. He leaves me suddenly and smiles down at me.  "Now you'll be wanting me all night, so that's pay back for your photo op stunt and you look ravaged, so have fun explaining that to the girls! See you tomorrow at the airport baby!" He leans down and gives me a quick peck on the lips and walks away whistling.  I try and sort myself before going in the penthouse, but as soon as the girls see me they give me a few "we know what you've been up to" looks and a couple of whistles.  "Oh you guys can just shut the hell up! He did that on purpose so that was the reaction I got from you girls. We only went out to dinner and came home." They give me a few looks as if they don't believe me, but I turn that into surprise by my announcement.  "So, while we were at dinner we discussed a few things including a date for the wedding" "Oh my god!! Is it going to be big and beautiful with thousands of people? Please tell me I'm invited? I will travel back from Pakistan for your wedding!" The excitement from my incredibly artist, very excitable and total Samgirl friend brings with it a whole lot of girly chatter.  "Ok, first off, sorry honey it's not going to be big with thousands of people, but I'm hoping it will be beautiful! Secondly we have decided on having it at home in Austin and last but not least, of course you girls are invited. In fact I was hoping that you guys would be my bridesmaids?" A whole lot of laughter and Champagne later we all straggle off to sleep.  My alarm goes off and triggers what feels like the worlds worst hangover. Desperate for water I make my way out to the kitchen and drink a litre of water and fall onto the couch. In my own little world I don't hear the front door open.  "Morning baby!" "Honey, please don't yell my head feels like it's going to explode! Too much champagne!" He sits down next to me and pulls me to him.  "Did you want me to change the flight to later? We can all have lunch together?" "So not ready to think about food, but later flight sounds great!" He grabs his phone out and makes a couple of calls.  "Ackles is going to change his flight to, so he will join us for lunch as well!" "Congratulations Jared! I am so happy that you guys have decided when you're getting married! Yay!" I don't think my Pakistani friend is ever sleepy or hungover! "Why oh why is everyone yelling today!" "Baby no one is yelling and suck it up, it's all self inflicted. You know what champagne does to your head." He gets up laughing and goes and hugs my friend.  "Thank you! And you guys of course will be there with us!" "Yes! Your beautiful fiancé has filled us in that we will be bridesmaids!" My head is pounding.  "Ok, I have an idea! Jared, you can tell my beautiful friend here about how our house looks in summer and together you can discuss what sort of colours would work. I will take some painkillers and lay down for a bit longer. Sound good?" I don't wait for an answer knowing between the two of them they will talk about this for a while and decide on something I will love.  I wake up with a familiar hand lightly caressing my back.  "Babe, it's time to get up. Heres some more water, how's your head now?" "A lot better, did you guys decide on colours?" "Yes, and you will love it, but for now we need to get you up for lunch. Everyone else is ready." After lunch we all say teary good byes, knowing it's going to be a while before we see each other again.  As we walk off Jared puts his arm around my waist and comforts me.   


	8. Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

"Let's go for a drive, there's a place I want to show you. We filmed there last week and I think you will love it!"   
"Ok! Do you want me to pack some lunch or will we eat out?"   
"Packed lunch I think would be a good idea, I don't know what's really around there, restaurant wise."   
I love doing these spare of the moment drives together and we hadn't done so in months.    
As we head off down the highway out of Vancouver, towards the mountains, Jared takes my hand in his. The scenery is spectacular and we sit in comfortable silence; every now and then I feel his thumb gently caress my hand making my heart thump with happiness and content.    
"So, I need to use the bathroom if you could stop at the next gas station that would be great!"   
"Good idea, I think we need travel snacks too!"   
I go to the bathroom, while Jared grabs his snacks. Deciding that if Jared is getting snacks we must still have a while to go, so I have a cheeky idea to make the drive a little more fun.    
Back on the highway we resume our silence, which is broken every now and then by the crinkling noise of candy wrappers. I push my chair backwards and recline a little and put my right foot up on the dash.    
"Getting comfortable babe? We do still have a while before getting there. You can have a sleep if you want."   
"No, I thought I'd do something else to pass the time."   
With that statement I pull my skirt up a little and reveal that I had taken my panties off. I turn to the left a little and raise my knee so it leans on my arm rest, also better visual for my driver.    
"Oh, you've planned the in house entertainment, you are so thoughtful."   
"Keep your eyes on the road honey and let your imagination take you where ever you want to go!"   
I start touching myself and just gently play with my clit, warming up my body and my breath slowing down. He turns the music off so he can hear my breathing and as I get my wet, my juices lubricating my folds.    
"Go faster!"   
"Ok, instructor!"   
I start faster on my clit and decide that I won't do anything until he tells me. My legs are starting to tremble.    
"Finger yourself and think of me doing it to you!"   
So I obey. The noise seems so loud in the car like its echoing. Closer and closer I am. Then I feel his finger touch my clit. My eyes spring open. I didn't realise he had even stopped the car. His finger is pushing and putting pressure on my clit. Moaning and moaning I can feel my release is close. He suddenly leaves me and gets out of the car. My door is opened and I am hastily pulled out of the car.    
I quickly take in our surroundings, which is beautiful forest being weighed down by heavy snow, before I am dropped on the hood of the car. My bottom gets pulled closer to the edge and I feel his mouth attack me. One leg is draped over his shoulder the other being held wide with his hand. I lay back and throw my hands back to search for something to hold on to. His mouth is claiming me and his tongue assaulting me. I can feel my body arching spasmodically and my orgasm unfolds. His tongue keeps tasting me as my body slowly stops twitching.    
The hand holding my leg leaves and within moments I am being pulled up and dragged off the car, but before I can start putting my legs down Jared grabs them a puts them around his waist. I can feel his penis jutting against me and I smile up at him.    
"Did you bring any protection with you."   
He looks at me and his smile drops.    
"No baby I didn't. I had planned to take you out and hadn't thought of this happening.  Maybe we should just keep driving?"   
In response I push down a little to feel him near my entrance.    
"I think we should risk withdrawal method. What do you think?"   
I grab his head and kiss him and feel him guide himself into me. He fills me and takes his hands away so gravity can play its part, making him driver deeper into me. I hold onto him as his force pushes me up and down. As deep as he is, the mixture of pain and pleasure is mixed, forcing gutteral noises from me.    
"Jared, Jared, ahhh.."   
"Baby, I want more!"   
Still inside me, he walks us to the back of the car and opens it up. He puts me down and once my feet are on the ground he turns me around, lifts one foot up into the car and gently pushes me forward and exposing and opening myself to him. His hands on my hips, he plunges into me and groans. I lean forward more and hold on. Deep inside me, so deep and full. His hands stay on my hips pulling me toward him for each pounding thrust. Fast and hard, deep and full. The feelings are intense. His hands leave my hips. One seeks my core. One grabs hold of my hair, making my body arch back into him more. My body out of control I feel him thrust as I start to shatter.    
I feel his body start to leave mine.    
"Jared, stay with me."   
"Are you sure?"   
"Yes..."   
He pounds straight back into me.    
"YES!"   
I scream with my release and my muscles contracting around him inside me throw him into orgasm.    
Breathlessly he whispers.    
"Baby you drive me wild, I turn into an animal!"   
"That's ok honey, you can be my spirit animal!"   
I turn around and kiss him.    
"If we don't get back in the car myself and my spirit animal will freeze to death!"   
Getting back on the road we sit in total relaxation, sated.    
"I didn't realise how much I needed that baby, but damn I feel good right now!"   
"Honey you had a very big work week, I'm not surprised at all! How much further is it?"   
"About 45 minutes. Want some candy?"   
As we pull off the highway onto a small road the forest engulfs us. We travel deeper and deeper into the woods.    
"If I didn't love you and I didn't know you loved me I would start getting nervous that you were going to murder me! This forest is scary!"   
Jared turns and laughs at my statement.    
"You'll change your mind in a second. Close your eyes and I will surprise you."   
We drive for a few more minutes and I hear the engine shut off.    
"Keep your eyes closed baby and trust me."   
I do as he says and he takes my hand and leads me. His arms surround me and he whispers into my ear.    
"When you open your eyes I want you to know that this is how much and how far I love you! Now open."   
I gasp at the view in front of me. It is like I can see forever. We are at an overlook in the middle of no where. Behind and beside us are the majestic Rocky Mountains and in front is Vancouver and the Pacific Ocean.    
I turn in his arms and reach up to kiss him.    
"I love you and cannot wait to be your wife! You romantic fool!"   
  



	9. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

Scanning the restaurant it was hard to believe that this wasn't just a dream. All of our closest family and friends under one roof and all here for us. All here for tomorrow, the biggest day of my life, to watch us celebrate our love. It all hits me at once. Holy shit tomorrow I'm getting married! I grab my glass of champagne and drink it all down and refilling straight away. As I go to grab it a familiar hand grabs mine.    
"Baby, are you ok? You look sick?"   
"Jared, it's just really hit me that we are doing this tomorrow and everyone is going to be staring at us. What if I trip or fuck up the words in my vows?"   
He pulls me sideways toward him and kisses the top of my head.    
"I don't care if you trip or fuck up the words, so long as you say yes to all the right questions."   
"You know what sucks though? The biggest day of my life is tomorrow, so I'm as nervous as hell and I can't even have you with me tonight to settle my nerves."   
"How about we go outside and get some fresh air?"   
He takes my hand and leads me out onto the balcony of the restaurant, and hugs me.    
"After we leave the restaurant I'm going to my parents and you are going home with your girlfriends. How about we make a promise that we both go to bed at midnight and I'll text you goodnight?"   
I look up at him, so incredibly beautiful, lean up and kiss him.    
"Sounds like a good plan! But I don't want to let you go! Tomorrow seems like forever away and it's weird, I can handle being away from you when you're in a different country, but being in the same city and not sleeping next to you is just weird and wrong!"   
"Babe, tradition is tradition."   
"Well tradition sucks!"   
He leans down and kisses me and starts pulling me back inside to everyone.    
As the night wares on everyone is very excited for tomorrow's events and starts to head home. As we are leaving the restaurant I grad hold of Jared's hand like my life depends on it. He hugs me to him.    
"Midnight, I'll text you. Tomorrow, I'll see you and you'll become Mrs Padalecki!"   
"Ok, I'll have my phone on stand by and won't drink anymore champagne."   
We kiss good bye and slowly let our hands drift apart as we walk in separate directions.    
Once we get home, my girlfriends and I, all head out to the back yard, it's a beautiful night and I can feel my nerves subside.    
"I bought you a present honey!"   
I look up at my beautiful French girlfriend and she has a bottle of Domaine de la Romanee-Conti Montrachet Grand Cru, Cote de Beaune, in her hands.    
"Holy crap! I love you right now! I think it would be best to hold off drinking this until after the wedding. I want to appreciate it, like it deserves to be!"   
She sits down next to me and feels my nerves rising.    
"You know tomorrow will go off without a problem hey?"   
"I know that's true, I'm nervous for no real reason, I can't explain it."   
As I say this, my Italian friend sits down next to me and hugs me.    
"That's why we're here baby, to help you out."   
"Could I ask you a favour, and it may sound odd, but I really don't want to sleep alone tonight and I'm sure the three of us could share mine and Jared's bed?"   
"How about we go inside now and arrange the basement so all of us sleep together like a big slumber party?"   
Of course it was my French friend who had this great idea and jumped up to get us going. We all ran downstairs like giggling school girls, so excited that I forgot about my nerves.    
I look at my watch and see that it's only twenty minutes before midnight; time for bed. Spot on midnight I get a message.    
"I love you and am so excited that tomorrow I get to call you my wife. Sleep well my love and I'll see you at the altar."   
"Good night my darling, I wish you were here with me now, but I do know that we have a lifetime of waking up next to each other. I love you too and don't make me cry."   
I close my eyes with a smile and feel like two minutes pass when I here my name being called out.    
"Where are you?"   
"Down in the basement."   
I can hear three pairs of little feet running down the stairs and know that Tom, Shep and JJ are here.    
"Come and jump on my friends they need to wake up!"   
Gleeful laughs can be heard getting closer and closer.    
I stand up before the onslaught and dodge the kids who are on a one track mission to literally jump on top of everyone.    
I go upstairs to where Danneel and Gen are waiting.    
"I'm going to get changed, can one of you please please make coffee? Make it strong or the Italian downstairs will complain!"   
They both laughing, knowing how I spoke the truth.    
Upstairs I just take a moment to take it all in. My bridesmaids were all here, along with my page boys and my flower girl. The makeup artist and hair stylist were due in half an hour. I decided to be productive and get all the dresses and page boy suits out ready.    
I look out my window and down to the yard where caterers are setting up and the florists are setting up the beautiful green, yellow and white flower arrangements. It's so beautiful that I feel tears welling and I want to share this moment with Jared, but I can't, so I take a few deep breaths and let all the emotion and beauty engulf me.    
After hours of makeup and hair all of my bridesmaids get into their flowy dresses the colour of pastel yellow. They look beautiful.    
"Wedding dress time!"   
I have tried my dress on what feels like a thousand times, but this time it's different, this is it's shining moment. The dress I chose was somewhat unconventional, but as I put it on and stood next to my eight bridesmaids, the yellow of their dresses made my soft pastel green dress look stunning. I also knew that the green in my dress was not only the same colour as the tie Jared was wearing, but also the colour of his eyes.    
"Wow! This is really happening!"   
Danneel passes me a glass of champagne and raises hers.    
"To you and Jared!"   
Everyone cheers and drinks the Moët&Chandon that Danneel had brought with her.    
"Just so you know, Jensen just messaged me and told me that they are here."   
In ten minutes I'll be walking down the isle to the love of my life.  


	10. Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

As the music starts, I smile and think back to my brother and I singing the song when we were young, not really understanding what it all meant. We had chosen the song I'm Gonna Be(500 Miles) by Sleeping at Last.    
It was beautiful to see my bridesmaids walking towards everyone. As the song continued I got my first glimpse of Jared and knew how right this was.    
The second verse had just started and knowing my cue was close, I grabbed my bouquet of long stem daisies and smiled, willing the tears away.    
Here goes nothing.    
My feet start moving and knowing I have some stairs ahead of me I keep my head down so I don't fall. Once my feet hit the grass and I see the trail of flower petals that JJ had dropped I raise my head. A smile is plastered on my face as my eyes connect with Jareds. We keep our eyes locked as I continue my path toward him.    
As the song ends I take my final step, I pass my bouquet to Danneel, turn and look up at Jared. He takes my hands and smiles down at me.    
"Hey you!"   
"Hey you back!"   
The whole ceremony is a blur, both what was being said and literally. From the moment Jared started reciting his vows I had tears in my eyes. Starring into his eyes his last sentence makes everyone laugh.    
"I will always laugh with you and only occasionally laugh at you. In sickness and in health, even when you've over indulged, I will love you forever, you are my partner and best friend."   
Smiling up at him I recite the vows I had written for him.    
"Jared, I take you as my husband, I love you and know that no matter what trials life throws at us, we will stand united and come out stronger. The universe brought us together and I don't feel like I am making promises to you, I feel that this, you and me, is a privilege that I will cherish for eternity."   
After all the yes's and I do's we are pronounced husband and wife. His arms scoop me up and our lips touch. He gently lowers me down, grabs my hand and kisses it.    
"I love you Mrs Padalecki, have I told you that you look stunning?"   
"I love you too Mr Padalecki, no, but I can see it in your eyes."  
  
*Please note I do not own any rights to any songs listed in this chapter - all rights are held by the musicians/management themselves*


	11. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Content

 

Jared's hand clasping mine we walk outside to our friends and family waiting for us.    
"Please stand and raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Padalecki!"   
Walking towards this group of people, the love engulfed us as everyone cheered. I was elated, my heart bursting with joy. I look up sideways at my husband and catch him looking at me.    
"This is awesome!"   
I'm beaming like a little school girl.    
Because we had opted for a casual wedding there was no table assignments so everyone could mingle and have fun. After hugging and kissing everyone on our way through, we made our way to the bar.    
Jared ordered us wine and as I took a sip a memory came flooding back.    
"I know this wine! This is the same wine we had on our first date right? Your memory is incredible honey!"   
"This bottle is the only bottle here and it's only for us. I want this to be our first drink together."   
He leans down and kisses me. I can taste the wine on his lips and it makes me smile as he pulls away.    
"I love you baby!"   
"I love you too! Cheers Mr Padalecki!"   
"Cheers Mrs Padalecki!"   
Turning away from the bar the view of Lake Austin starting to reflect the evening lights in the background and the lights and loved ones in the foreground is beautiful.    
The night is as perfect as I had dreamt it would be and now I got to have my first dance with my husband. As the first chords of "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters started Jared spun me around and back into his arms. The song was perfect, my life was perfect.    
The reception goes late into the night with everyone singing and dancing, having a great night. A song comes on and I scan the crowd looking for my husband. I make my way over to him with a huge smile plastered on my face and start singing to him.    
"Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight..."   
His mouth takes mine and he pulls me hard into him. My arms snake around his shoulders and my hands into his hair.    
"Babe, you know I love you right? So when I say this its with the utmost affection... You really are a terrible singer!"   
I pull him towards me again and kiss him quickly.    
"But you can't lie, you love when I sing to you! Yes?"   
"Yes, I do!"   
As our guests all start departing we say our goodbyes until it's just the two of us in the backyard slowly dancing and swaying together and enjoying the silence.    
"Today has been perfect!"   
I lean in closer to him and rest my head on his chest, I can hear his heart, I can feel his hands resting on my hips, I can smell his scent, I reach up to taste him and can see the love in his eyes. His hands on my hips pull me in towards him and the love I have seen in his eyes is becoming fiery passion. His mouth locks on to mine, our tongues meet and entwine. His hand grabs my dress pulling it up and his hand slides into my panties and starts to rub me and I push toward him and slightly part my legs to grant him access. I feel his other hand near the top of my dress, playing with the zip, which he eases down.    
"Hold up cowboy! This needs to be taken upstairs!"   
He pulls away from me laughing. I'm standing there holding my dress up laughing back at him. In one swoop he gathers me up and takes me inside and up to our bedroom.    
"I have a surprise for you baby!"   
"Well we think a like, I have a surprise for you too! You go first!"   
He walks out and returns to find me sitting on the edge of the bed naked with my legs crossed. He's holding two glasses and a bottle of wine.    
"Hello you, damn you are beautiful! I bought this wine the day you left Vancouver after your first trip up there to see me, knowing I would share this with you some day. Saying that I had never envisioned you naked while drinking it, but I'm not complaining!"   
He pours us both a glass and hands me mine.    
"To us!"   
We both drink and the flavour is amazing.    
"Do you know that one thing I love that goes perfectly with red wine? I'll tell you in a second, but I think you are over dressed, so undress and hop on the bed."   
Once he is naked lying on the bed my breath hitches, he is so beautiful. His eyes are on me and I just slightly start swaying my hips and I bring my hands up to cup my breasts. Licking one of my fingers I put my hand down and start playing with myself.    
"Do you like this honey? Will this taste good with red wine?"   
I don't really need his response as his body is giving me the answers I need.    
I make my way over to my dresser to grab what I need for my surprise. When I turn around I'm holding a bottle of chocolate sauce that make his eyes grow wide with lust.    
"I love red wine and chocolate!"   
I start dribbling chocolate on my breasts and it slowly makes its way down to my navel. I use my finger to stop it and as I lick the chocolate off I look straight into Jared's eyes.    
"Don't you?"   
I continue removing the chocolate with my fingers keeping my eyes locked on his. He was now slowly tugging himself.    
"Babe, I think you need help getting all of that off? Come closer."   
I walk over to the edge of the bed, but instead of crawling up to him I take the chocolate and drizzle some on his leg. I quickly bend down to lick and suck it off him. I give him a cheeky look and repeat the process on the other leg. I make my way up in between his legs. Near the top of his legs I pour some more and it dribbles down his inner thigh. As I'm licking it off him I take his balls into my mouth making his hips jerk. I look up at him and smile. I lower my mouth over his penis and tease the head with my tongue.    
"I'm not going to last if you keep going with that!"   
I continue my path and dribble chocolate onto his belly where it pools into his belly button. Using my tongue I lap it out. I trail chocolate from there up to his nipples, knowing my breasts are now either side of his penis I move back and forth while tasting him. I make my final move and putting me knees either side of him I suck on the bottle of sauce, put the bottle on the bedside table and bend down to kiss him.    
I can feel him hard up against me and push back to him, but his hands stop me.    
"Hang on there darling I need to clean you up first!"   
He grabs my bottom and pushes my body upwards so my breasts are near his face. I grab onto the bed head for support as his arms lock around me. It feels like I am on fire as his mouth tastes me. Instead of changing places or him moving downwards he continues to move me upwards. I feel his tongue on my belly button, repeating what I had done to him. He brings one hand up and inserts his fingers in my folds. I am locked in place, so when he pushes me up one last time his arms have me locked in position and his tongue replaces his fingers. I grab hold of the bed head and I can feel his nose on my clit and his tongue inside me. As my legs begin to shake I know he won't release me, so I let my orgasm engulf me and the world shatter.    
His arms release me and and I shuffle down his body. Looking into each other's eyes I slide up and down his length a few times before reaching between us and guiding him inside me. I take in his whole length filling me and start rocking back and forwards. He takes control by grabbing my hips and raising me and pushing me back down. He continues with this making me gasp. It's not enough. Rolling over he grabs my legs up high and grunts pushing hard into me. Again. Harder. Again. Harder. As suddenly as he's gone from me, his mouth is on me and fingers inside me. Withering. My hips bucking. Panting. My hands on his head. Orgasm. I am pulled to the side of the bed and flipped over. My bottom in the air. He pushes me legs apart, grabs my hips and plunders my body. Pounding rhythm. Moaning. Gasping. Grunting. Staggered rhythm. Fingers on me. Pounding. Quivering. Breathless. Moaning. Pounding. I explode again. His hands pull me back with his final thrust. I can feel him pulsating inside my quivering body. I pull forward and push back wanting him to stay inside me I keep slowly doing this. His breath is staggering but I keep going until I can feel him growing inside me again. I keep going until I hear his breath deepen. He pulls me back to him, my knees still parted. His hands grab my breasts and he pulls my body up to him. One hand reaches down to my core as he gently pulls out and pushes back inside me. I bring my hands up and put them behind me and around his neck, opening my body entirely to him. He withdraws from me and gently puts me on my back and he rests his body down on mine and his hips between my legs. He starts to kiss me so softly that when he enters me again I nearly shatter. But he keeps his rhythm while continuing to kiss me. That was it. Mind blowing. Kissing and thrusting. Perfection. Love. Rocking. Our breathing as one. Our bodies as one. Together. Rocking. My knees raise higher. Together the wave overcomes us and our bodies meld into one. His weight on top of me.    
As he rolls off me we just lie there smiling at each other.    
"I love you!"   
"I love you back!"   
"Baby, I think red wine and chocolate is my new favourite thing!"  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please note I do not own any rights to any songs listed in this chapter - all rights are held by the musicians/management themselves*


	12. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

Then  
As the waiter leads us to the table I could feel his hand lightly touching the base of my back. I feel like I am in a dream and have a mantra playing in my head.    
"Keep cool, just pretend it's just another date, with any other guy!"   
"Did you just say something?"   
"Huh? I don't think so..?"   
He is whispering in my ear, giving me chills over my entire body. Did I just say that out loud?    
Once we are seated I realise that we have been put in a u-shaped booth, so we can sit right next to each other, and have some privacy. Now I can't even have the space of the table between us to let me calm down. Keep cool!   
"So what's good to eat here? Have you been here before? Maybe we could start with some drinks?"   
He turns his head to me smiling.    
"Do you always chatter like that when you're a little nervous?"   
"I am so not nervous, just a little thirsty. You like wine right? Don't you have a collection... Ok, maybe you're right!"   
"I'm nervous too you know! I haven't been on a date for a very long time, so now that we both know we're nervous, we put it aside and enjoy each other!"   
"Enjoy each other? That's a little presumptuous isn't it?"   
I giggle at his back peddling.    
"Oh, I meant company, each other's company!"   
"Now we're even! So you order wine, I'll check out what I want, sound good?"   
"As long as you check me out? But, yes sounds good!"   
I can't believe I am flirty bantering with him, I'm tingling all over. I can smell him next to me and feel like melting! Keep cool!   
At some point after a couple of glasses of wine and a huge dinner the conversation is just flowing like we have know each other for years. I have told him all about me and what I do in life and he had shared with me a few personal stories, including separating from Gen.    
"She is one of my best friends and I will love her forever. She is a fantastic Mom to Tom and Shep, we just knew we were meant to be friends and no more. We have kept this very quiet, mainly because of the social media effect on Tom andShep."   
"Wow, I think that your love towards Gen is beautiful! Would she be ok with you being out on a date?"   
"More than ok! I have already told her I'm with you when I rang to say good night to the boys."   
"Ok, I will keep that completely to myself."   
"Thank you, and on that note, you may want to keep this date to yourself as well, you will be bombarded."   
"Ha! I'm pretty sure no one would believe me anyway! But yes, I will keep this, you and me to myself. I will have to tell my friend though because she knows who I'm with, but I won't tell her anything personal. Just how good you look!"   
He laughs that off.   
"Did you want dessert?"   
"I'm good! But if you want some go for it!"   
He declines and has the waiter bring the bill over.    
"It's still fairly early, did you want to go for a stroll?"   
"Sure, walk off some of my food! Good food though!"   
Walking out of the restaurant it's very cold and frosty, so when I shiver Jared puts his arm around me and pulls me in close.    
"Warmer?"   
I snuggle in a little and nod my head.    
"This is nice!"   
"I agree!"   
We have been walking in comfortable silence for a while when we get to a little park and sit down.    
"I have had a great night tonight, I hope you did too?"   
"Hmmm yeah, it's been ok! Actually, I really don't want it to end! When do you fly back to Vancouver?"   
"First up tomorrow morning, but I may ask Jensen if he wants to push it back later, so we don't have to rush."   
"That sort of sucks. I get to go out on one date with you and then it's over as quickly as it started. Maybe we can try and keep in touch."   
"Have you got a passport? Maybe you could come up and visit? That would be cool!"   
"Yeah I do! That's a great idea, I'll save my money and come up for a holiday."   
I reach up and kiss his cheek, then realise what I did and look at him stunned.   
"Sorry, I get affectionate when I'm emotional."   
"No complaints here, just remember you made the first move!"   
He lowers his head to mine and gently kisses me, so softly it blows me away.    
"Now, that, that was a good first kiss Mr Padalecki!"   
"I totally agree! Now I think we need to get you home before you freeze to death!"   
We catch a taxi back to the hotel and he walks me up to my room.    
"Did you want a coffee before you go? We will just have to be quiet so we don't wake my roommate."   
"Actually, water would be good! I'm just going to contact Jensen about tomorrow, I'll be in in a moment."   
As I'm getting our drinks it hits me how surreal this all is. I've been on a date with Jared and now he's at my hotel room!    
"Hey you! Looks like I can sleep in tomorrow!"   
"Where are you staying?"   
"Here!"   
My head springs up and our eyes make contact.    
"I mean this hotel, two floors up."   
We both nervously laugh at where our minds went and there is a spark of electricity. I walk over and go to hand him his water, which he puts down straight away and grabs me, pulling me to him. Our mouths lock and our passion is ignited. My hands go up into his hair and I pull him closer. The world surrounding us has disappeared.    
Slowly we untangle ourselves, breathless.    
"Probably best to slow that down a little, it is our first date and I do fly back tomorrow."   
"True, we will have to sit in my room though so we don't wake up my friend. Think you can handle that?"   
"I can if you can?"   
We sit and chat for hours, not noticing the time. Slowly but surely we are lying down facing each other.    
"I think I'm going to stay here after all! Can you set an alarm, so I wake up?"   
"Sure, but I must warn you that I can't sleep in these clothes."   
I get up and go to the bathroom and find my longest possible shirt to sleep in. It only reaches half way down my bottom.  When I walk out, Jared is already under the covers.    
"Nope, if we are being well behaved you cannot wear that to bed!"   
"It's the longest shirt I have!"   
He sits up and reaches down beside the bed. It's the first time I get to see his body and my blood starts pumping. He throws his under shirt at me.    
"That will be longer, and a lot less dangerous!"   
Once I've changed I crawl into bed and yawn. I can feel his legs beside me, rough to my smooth and it feels so right. He's lying on his back and all I can think about is touching him, so I roll on my side and lightly put my hand on his chest. He lifts his arm so I can fit myself beside him; as I do this I let my hand drift down to his stomach. He is beautiful. Is this too much? It was him that wanted to slow down because it was our first date. I bring my hand back up slowly and rest it over his hardened nipple. Gently I caress him, not wanting to embarrass myself if he pushes me away, but I can't seem to stop myself.    
I look up at him, wanting to try and judge how he is feeling and our eyes meet.    
"Is this ok?"   
"More than ok!"   
With his permission I raise myself up so I can look at him more clearly. I lower my head and taste his nipple.    
"Is this ok?"   
"More than ok! I think us behaving ourselves isn't working out so well, hmm?"   
I feel his hand on my waist and making its way upward, he murmurs.    
"I've been thinking about this all night!"   
I trail my hand down over his belly and slip my hand inside his boxers and take hold of him. Slowly I stroke him, he's so hard and smooth. I rise upward so I can kiss him at the same time. Making eye contact I release him and bring my hand to my mouth, sucking my fingers. I then put my fingers inside my panties and stimulate my body creating the juices I then use as lubrication to continue pleasuring him. Kissing and tugging he moans into my mouth. I start to increase my speed, winning me another moan and his hips to jerk upward. Breathless he stops me by grabbing my wrist.    
"Hold on, we need to change positions."   
He shifts himself onto his side and me on my back, but puts one of my legs over his. His hand work its way under my shirt up to my breasts and tweets both nipples then he grazes his nails down over my stomach and slips his hand into my panties. He starts circling my clit as he leans up to me to kiss me. I search out his erection and start to tug him in time with how he is working my body. With this movement I feel his hand change positions and feel him insert a finger inside me. This makes my hip raise up to meet his hand. I grab his head and pull him down to kiss him roughly. When we pull apart he looks into my eyes.    
"Oh my god you are amazing! Keep looking at me. I want to see your eyes when I make you come."   
My hands work faster on him while he does the same to me. His hips are pushing his erection into my hand. He has now added a finger, hitting my g-spot and pushing hard and fast into me. I throw my head back as my body convulses.    
"Jared, I'm coming!"   
"Look at me!"   
I force my head up to look at him just as I orgasm. He moves his body upward and over me giving me easier access to him. Jerking him while he pushes himself more into my hand. I bring my other hand up to massage his balls. This sends him over the edge, his seed squirting over my stomach and breasts.    
He leans down to kiss me softly then hops off the bed and gets a towel from the bathroom to clean me. He is so gentle with me I shed a tear.     
"That was amazing! I promise I didn't say yes to coming up here for that, but I'm very happy I did!"   
"Same! If nothing else I am going to sleep very well tonight!   
He leans down and kisses me before snuggling down next me.    
"Good night you!"   
"Good night you back!"   
When I wake up in the morning the bed is empty, but my phone is buzzing.    
"Sorry, Jensen rang and said there was a fuck up with the flights so I had to leave. Can you text me your email address?"   
"No problem and sure! Have a safe flight and I'll talk to you soon."   
About half an hour later I receive a text message, "check your emails!"   
I log in to my emails and gasp with surprise. "I couldn't wait for you, I hope this isn't being too presumptuous!" Attached to the email is flight bookings in two days to Vancouver.    
"No complaints from me! See you in two days for our second date!"   
Now   
I reach over and grab his hand an look over at him.    
"I love you!"   
"I love you too baby, are you ready for the honeymoon?"   
"I think I've been read for our honeymoon since our first date. In the history of first dates, I think ours ranks at least in the top ten!"   
"I agree, is that what just had you miles away?"   
"Yep, you know I can still clearly remember the feeling of your legs against mine."   
"I just remember your hand as it went down to my belly, I wanted to take you there and then, but didn't want to scare you. Lucky for me you don't mind making the first move!" 


	13. Ours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Content

 

"I have coffee sleepyhead! I'm not going to let you sleep our honeymoon away!"   
I look up through my sleepy eyes at my husband standing naked in the doorway holding two coffees.    
"I also have a wedding gift for us to open!"   
This makes me shuffle up and take notice.    
"Who from? And why are we opening it now?"   
"All the card says is to open on our honeymoon. Mom gave it to me before we left."   
He walks over and grabs a small present, then hops onto the bed and sits cross legged in front of me.    
"Ah! Coffee and present, maybe this is the best wake up ever?"   
He reaches forward and palms my breast.    
"I can make it even better?"   
"Nope, coffee and present first!"   
I look at the card, mystified to who had given us this present.    
Unwrapping the present there are two separate boxes and another card. Opening the card I read "I know you love a good mystery, hence the anonymous card! The red box is for you my beautiful friend and the black box is for Jared. I hope you love these as much as I loved having them made for you!" I have a giggle knowing that I will love this present because I now know it's from my friend in Hawaii who has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know and she and I often tried to solve fandom mysteries.    
I open my gift and inside is a beautiful locket inscribed with the simple words "I will love you forever!"   
"Open yours!"   
Jared opens his box and without showing me, I see tears well in his eyes. He picks it up and smiling softly through his tears passes me a frame.    
"Show me your locket."   
I pass it over to him and look at the frame. It is a silver frame and across the top is inscribed with the same thing as my locket. Tears start falling down my cheeks as I look at the photo of myself and Jared in bed with him kissing my swollen belly.    
"How did she even get this photo?"   
"Well I'll give her this, she's good! She rang one day when you were out ages ago and just started chattering away to me. At the time I thought it was odd, but now it makes sense. She said that she wanted to get you something really special and if there were any photos that I thought you would like, so I sent her a copy of that photo and this one."   
He hands me back my locket, open and inside are two small photos. One of them is the same as the framed photo and the other is a simple photo of Jared and I kissing.    
Our tears are rolling freely now and I shuffle up to sit in his lap and cuddle into him. His arms surround me holding me close, our breathing in sync. His hands caressing my head.    
"It hurts so much, I want it to stop."   
I state this simply and he kisses the top of my head.    
"Baby, I don't think it will ever stop hurting. We lost our baby who was made with our love. The love we still share, so she will be with us forever."   
"I know you don't want me sleeping our honeymoon away, but can we just stay in bed all day?"    
I look up at him, tears in both our eyes. He leans down and lightly kisses me.    
"I would like that too."   
We move our precious gifts off the bed and lay down, jared spooning me, holding me close to him.    
"I'm so happy you were at that convention and I got to meet the love of my life."   
"Well I sort of knew you'd be there, but certainly didn't think my life would change so dramatically after one weekend."   
I start crying harder.    
"Is it bad that I have started thinking of having another baby? I feel like I'm betraying her by even thinking of it."   
Jared moves us around so I'm on my back and he raises up above me. He wipes away my tears and leans down to kiss me.    
"I have been thinking about it too my love and have also been battling guilt. As we said forever ago we would wait until after we were married. I think what we should do is not try for a baby, but if it happens it's meant to be."   
"Ok, then we have no pressure."   
"We just have to take note and see a doctor as soon as we think there is a possibility. I can't go through that again ok?"   
His tears are falling, he went through so much that night that I can't even understand.    
"I love you and of course I will do anything to prevent that happening again to you."   
He snuggles back down, arms around me, his hand lightly rubs my belly. Our bodies naked against each other, together our souls entwined.


	14. blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains adult them

 

 

Blue, as far as the eye could see. Our own piece of heaven for the next week and a half. Laying on the sun bed watching my husband enjoying the water, while I enjoyed the sun on my body, all I could do was smile. After everything that we had been through, separately and as partners, in the past few years to bring us to this point: happy, in love and together.

  
My heart skips a few beats as Jared raises himself out of the water and comes over. He shakes his head and rivulets of water sprinkle my body, cooling my warm skin.

  
"Baby, scoot forward and you can lie back on me. I'll cool you down and you can warm me up."

  
I move forward so he can fit behind me and then lean back into him, his arms surround me.

  
Breathe.

  
Home.

  
Bliss.

  
We sit in comfortable silence.

  
At some point I had fallen asleep and am woken by a warmth spreading over my body. Jared had moved my legs apart and put them on either side of his legs, opening me to him and rubbing me gently. I squirm a little, alerting Jared I had woken up and he leans down and suckles my neck. He has undone both sides of my bikini bottoms already and continues to my top. His hand reaches my breast and squeezes my nipple. My body jumps in his hand, my skin shivering. I just lay back and enjoy the sensation of him enjoying my body. The more he plays the more my body is responding. I reach behind me and feel for his penis inside his board shorts. It's as hard as a rock and not easily accessible to me.

  
"Pull you shorts down honey, I want more of you!"

  
He stops his playing and moves to pull his shorts down to release his erection. Him doing this, I have moved forward and as I go back to him I put my legs either side of his like I had them before, but instead of sitting in between him I reach down and line his erection up to me. I slowly lower myself on him, knowing how deep he will fill me in this position. Once I am filled I am still, allowing my body to adjust. His fingers find my clit again and as I spasm around him his hips jerk and he moans behind me. I lean forward and have my hands on the sofa bed to balance myself and I raise my hips and push down quick and hard. Winning me another groan. Again. I push down again, but instead of raising my self on him again I rock back and forth. This hits my spot and sends shivers through my body. As I go to raise myself again his hands grab my hips holding me down, so I continue rocking. His fingers find my clit and fast and hard his fingers play. My orgasm rocks me and my legs contract forward. Still impaled on him, he raises us up so I am on my hands and knees and him behind me. I feel him withdraw and my body still recovering awaits his onslaught. Instead of plunging into me he enters me so slowly it's agony. He slowly works up his rhythm. His skin slapping mine. He leans over me, his chest to my back and grabs my breasts. Teasing and twisting to his rhythm. Then he is gone. I look up around at him stripping off his shorts. He puts his hand out to me.

  
"Come with me love."

  
He walks me over to the ladder and we lower ourselves into the water. He turns me to face him and puts my legs around his waist. My nipples at water level, tantalised with every small wave. Attached to him by my legs he reaches under my arms and grabs the bars of the ladder. He enters me, and with his thrust, water splashes over my breasts. I grab hold of his shoulders, moaning into his neck my breath racking with each of his thrusts. His mouth finds my neck, kissing and moaning. The vibration of his moans on my neck, makes my skin shiver. His thrusts became more erratic. His lips meet mine. Our bodies orgasm together.

  
I lean in and quickly kiss him as he withdraws from me and we both push out from the ladder and float out. His hand grabs mine so we stay next to one another. He kicks in the water, propelling us further into slightly deeper waters and pulls me to him. Our naked bodies against each other. Weightless in the water.

  
Bliss.

  
Perfection.

  
He kisses me and gives me a cheeky grin.

  
"I'll make you a deal. We race back to the hut and whoever loses cooks dinner naked!"

  
"How's that fair? You'll kick my ass!"

  
"I'll give you a head start of..." He looks at his watch and then at the hut. "... 1 minute!"

  
"Ok!"

  
And I swim off smiling, knowing I just got myself a few extra seconds by surprising him. The hut is getting pretty close when I hear him catching up, so I kick harder, hoping the splashes make it harder for him. As I grab the ladder I raise my arms.

  
"Yes! Looks like you're cooking tonight honey!"

  
I climb the ladder and shake my bottom at him, which in turn he playfully slaps.

  
When we get inside I turn around and reach up to kiss him.

  
"I'm going to get into something comfortable, you can figure out what we're having for dinner. Have I told you that I love this honeymoon?"

  
"Yes! And I can see by your smug smile why!"

  
"You're a bad loser Jared!"

  
I walk off laughing as he replies.

  
"I'm not a loser, I have you!"

  
Watching him cook dinner I had a smile plastered on my face, every part of him so beautiful.

  
"You're loving this aren't you?"

  
"To be honest, yes, but I don't think you know why. You're so beautiful to watch, it's mesmerising."

  
"Well you can return the favour one day. I would love to watch you."


	15. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains adult thems

 

Flying into Dallas it feels nice to be nearly home, to see family and friends, but I will miss honeymoon and the ease of living so secluded there.

  
Jared grabs my hand and leans over to me.

  
"I can't wait to see the Tom and Shep!"

  
"Neither can I! I have missed them a lot!"

  
The place in my heart I hold for those two little boys is so dear to me. I feel lucky everyday to be a part of their lives.

  
"Are they coming over tonight?"

  
"No, Gen is bringing them over for the barbecue and then they will stay with us for a week or so, depending on when I start filming again."

  
Laying in our bed, at home in Austin that night a little thought niggled at my brain.

  
"Jared, you know how we're 'not' trying for a baby? What happens if it doesn't happen?"

  
"We did it once, and the doctor said there wouldn't be a problem getting pregnant, we just have to be very careful afterwards. So don't worry about it baby, it'll happen for us again!"

  
I roll over to look at him, smiling.

  
"We could 'not' try now? I'm in the middle of my cycle."

  
"Really Mrs Padalecki, are you trying to seduce me?"

  
I move quickly to gain the upper hand and manage to straddle him and hold his arms to either side of his head. I lean down and kiss him, my breasts grazing his chest hair.

  
I lean back and start laughing.

  
"I just remembered something! You in the mood for chocolate? I'm pretty sure there is some left!"

  
"Great minds think a like honey, but it's gone, I think the cleaner must have seen it on the bedside table and threw it out!"

  
"Oh well, you taste better than chocolate anyway!"

  
These are my favourite times, just Jared and me being silly together. I realise I had let his hands go when I feel them at my waist and he goes for the tickle. My body jumps and spasms at his onslaught, laughter uncontrollable. I somehow manage to free myself and I jump off the bed.

  
"Haha! I beat you Padalecki!"

  
"You do realise how sexy you look standing there naked thinking you beat me right?"

  
"I totally beat you!"

  
He lifts himself out of bed and makes his way towards me.

  
"Shit, you don't play fair!"

  
I start retreating from him slowly, his smile gets bigger and bigger, thinking he's going to win. I smile back at him, but immediately frown when I hit something behind me.

  
"You obviously didn't see I had closed the door when I came in!"

  
He's standing directly in front of me with a very cheeky smile. He grabs my hands and raises them above my head and leans down to suck my breasts. He holds my hands in place but removes one of his hands. He looks me in the eyes as his fingers find my clit.

  
"Does this feel nice?"

  
"Yes!"

  
Do you want more?"

  
"Yes!"

  
His fingers speed up and more pressure is applied.

  
"Please, I want you inside me!"

  
Keeping eye contact he smiles.

  
"Not yet!"

  
My legs are shaking and his hand holding mine is the only thing stopping me from buckling. I can feel my orgasm closing in on me and then explode as he pushes two fingers inside me. He keeps pushing inside me as my body calms down.

  
He looks at me and smiles.

  
"I win!"

  
"You don't play fair!"

  
"Now who's the sore loser?"

  
"Well you married this sore loser!"

  
"Touché'! Now come back to bed! I'm tired and I want to get some sleep!"

  
"Not sure I can walk!"

  
He lifts me with ease and tosses me on the bed. He lays down next to me and I snuggle in beside him and rest my hand on his nipple. I look up at him innocently.

  
"Jared, can I ask you something?"

  
"Of course!"

  
I run my nails over his belly.

  
"Does this feel nice?"

  
I let out a giggle as he responds.

  
"Yes, you minx!"

  
My hand finds his semi hard erection and starts to pump him.

  
"Is this ok?"

  
A groan is his answer, so I reach up and kiss him, still pumping. When my lips part his, I raise myself over and straddle him. I line him up with me and impale myself. I start rocking back and forth, enjoying him deep inside me.

  
"Fuck you're hot baby!"

  
I look down, his eyes black with lust.

  
"Do you like me fucking you? You're so deep inside me Jared!"

  
"Yes! Keep going! I want to see you make yourself orgasm on me!"

  
Rocking in this motion it doesn't take long for the blood to drain to my core. I play with my clit to send me over the edge.

  
"You're beautiful!"

  
As I'm coming down he flips us. He puts my ankles over his shoulders and thrusts deep inside me. Pushing and pumping me. It's the deepest I have ever felt him inside me. I need to hold on to the bed head. With a sudden grunt he spills inside me.

  
My legs flop down as he lets his weight fall on me. He kisses me gently.

  
"Good night my saucy minx!"

  
"Good night lover!"

  
I roll over and get comfortable. I smile as I drift off to sleep. Maybe, just maybe this could be the start of our new family.

  
As everyone starts turning up for the barbecue my excitement rises in anticipation of seeing two boys run through the house. With them comes JJ, smiling and keeping up with the boys.

  
"Yay! I missed you three!"

  
"Were you and daddy living in a house in the middle of the ocean?"

  
"Yep, maybe one day we can all go back!"

  
"Me too?"

  
"Of course JJ! And your mama and your daddy!"

  
I hug Jensen and Danneel and then Gen who whispers to me.

  
"Can I have a word inside?"

  
I follow Gen inside and sit in the lounge.

  
"I feel really bad about dumping this on you on your first day back, but I can't hide it from you. I'm pregnant. I'm so sorry, but I knew you would wonder why I wasn't having a couple of drinks. I haven't told Jared yet. Please don't be angry at me!"

  
I quickly grab her hands.

  
"I'm so happy for you! How could I not be! You're bringing another child into the world and I will love this baby as much as I love Tom and Shep!"

  
I hug her to me.

  
"You never know, maybe I'll get pregnant soon too!"

  
We walk outside to everyone there. Jared is sitting on the outdoor lounge with the boys. The best dad!

  
What if I don't get pregnant?

  
I push the thought away to enjoy the evening. I tell Jared about Gen's pregnancy and we all celebrate! Shep comes up to us and sits in between Jared and me.

  
"Are you going to have a baby too?"

  
"Hopefully Shep!"

  
I love how excited Jared is by the thought of being a dad again.

  
The night is beautiful, with a breeze coming over the lake cooling us down.

  
The next week flies by with Tom and Shep home with us. I love it. The house is loud and boisterous everyday and I think about how quiet it will be when we go back to Vancouver.

  
Sitting outside enjoying the sun a wave of sadness comes over me at the thought of being lonely in Vancouver. This feeling I haven't felt for over two years. Maybe I should talk to Jared about it?

  
"Babe, the boys are leaving!"

  
I hurry inside to say goodbye to Gen, Tom and Shep. The sadness creeps in again and my tears start flowing.

  
"Don't cry! We will be coming to see you soon, daddy promised!"

  
I hug the boys tight.

  
"I love you two rascals!"

  
As we wave them off Jared puts his arms around my shoulders.

  
"I'm worried that I'm going to be lonely in Vancouver."

  
I state it quietly, but he turns me to him and hugs me.

  
"I know it's hard on you, but who knows, something could be baking in the oven as we speak!"

  
He smiles at me and leans down to kiss me and puts his hand over my belly.

  
"I love you!"

  
"I love you back!"


	16. alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains adult content

 

 

"Do you mind if a couple of friends come down this weekend? As much as I love cons, having friends there is better!"

"Shouldn't be a problem, only its too late to get them seats so they can just hangout with you backstage, is that ok?"

"Fine by me. I'll ask some of them, it could be a bit boring just sitting around, but less boring for me."

"Just let me know so I can inform the right people. I was thinking we could fly out on the red eye Friday night so we can spend the weekend at home, what do you think?"

"Sounds great to me! Why don't you see what all the boys are doing and have a boys night, and I'll have a girls night?"

"We will have to drive up to Dallas early Sunday though, but that sounds like a plan!"

Jared reaches over to grab his phone as it goes off on the bedside table.

"Clif is a few minutes out, I'm going to have a quick shower, could you please make me a coffee?"

He jumps out of bed and heads into the bathroom and I make my way out into the kitchen, throwing a shirt on as I go.

His arms surround me, he smells so good!

"The coffee smells beautiful!"

"So do you!"

I turn in his arms and reach up to give him a kiss.

"Have you got a long day today?"

He leans down and kisses me.

"Hopefully not, Misha starts directing today and we usually get through pretty quick. They don't like us hanging around too much with Misha."

"I can understand why!"

"This Ep is quite Crowley centered, so Mark has the longest days ahead of him."

I lean into him and give him a big hug, resting my head on his chest.

"I'm going to miss you today!"

"Why don't you come have lunch, you haven't been on set in ages. I would love it!"

He kisses me and pulls away.

"Got to go babe, see you later?"

"Yep!"

He grabs his coffee and runs out.

Standing in our kitchen I have an uneasy feeling wash over me and land in the pit of my stomach. I can feel my heart beating fast, knowing that this feeling is going to get worse.

Anxiety.

My mind centers on one speck of thought that has been bugging me for a couple of days. He doesn't want me around anymore.

Anxiety.

My mind explodes with the negatives I battle every day. He would prefer spending the night with the boys than me. He wants me to have my friends at the con so I don't bother him. He wants me to come for lunch, but no suggestion on how I get there, so, obviously he doesn't really want me there. What should I do? I love him! But if he doesn't want me around, I don't want to bother him.

Anxiety.

I know it was me that suggested that he has his boys night and invite friends to the con, but he could of said no. Was I putting him in this situation? Yes! So now I'm manipulating the situation to put him in an impossible situation. God I'm so fucking annoying! Yes I am ! Which is probably why he's sick of me. I'm like a lost puppy around him. I have no life except what revolves around him.

Panic.

Oh my God! I said I would miss him, but he didn't say it back! Shit! Fuck! It's true! All these thoughts, it's not my anxiety, it's the actual truth! Ok! What can I do to fix this? Is there anything I can do to fix it? No! He knows me now better than anyone and realises what sort of person I am.

My tears are uncontrollable, I can't breathe, my heart is racing out of control!

Please, please let this stop.

I grab my phone and DM the two people who I know will help me through this.

"Help!"

Is all I manage to write, hoping that it's the right time in France and Italy.

Broken hearted.

I'm not pregnant yet! That's what this is! He wants what I can't give him. That's fair enough, I wouldn't want me either. I'm holding him back from what he truly deserves. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves the best, not the worst. Maybe I should set him free of me.

Depression.

Ah! It's actually a good feeling to finally understand what I need to do. He needs to be free of me. How can I do this?

I sob into the couch which at some point I had managed to lay down on.

I love him so much my heart feels like it is actually shattering into slivers. How will I live without him.

I can hear my phone buzzing, but now that I have figured it all out in my head, I know that nothing can change my mind and I don't really want to be a bother to anyone else. I grab my phone and reply to my Italian friend.

"All good! :)"

The problem with my Italian and French friends is they call me out on my bullshit.

"Baby, I don't believe you! What's wrong?"

"It's ok! I was having some silly thoughts, but I'm ok now!"

"Don't fucking lie about this! I will come and beat it out of you!"

"Ok, better yet, could you please come to Dallas this weekend? You won't have seats, but just to hang out with me backstage? Then I can talk about this to you in person?"

"I can, we have to wait to see what our lovely French friend is up to!"

"I am coming too, I just quickly asked my family if we were doing anything over the weekend, it's a holiday in France! I have read your comments and I agree, I don't believe everything is fine with you! I'll help beat it out! :)"

So with that I had two friends coming to Dallas with me. At least I won't be alone. I texted Jared and told him I would come for lunch another day and I'd see him when he got home. Then I retreated into our bedroom and went back to sleep.

I was watching French Mistake (my "get me out of depression" episode) when Jared came home.

"I finished early babe!"

I turn to him and smile. He has a huge bouquet of daisies in his hands. I practically run over to him and hug him. Maybe he does love me!

"I got you something else too! Close your eyes and put your hands out!"

I do as he asks and when I open my eyes my heart drops and I feel sick. In my open hands is a pregnancy test.

"We haven't done a test in a while and thought, maybe, just maybe it will be positive! I'm so excited!"

I smile up at him, but as I walk off I feel as though I'm headed to the gallows. I sit on the toilet and pee on the stick, hoping, begging for it to be positive.

Waiting.

Negative.

I change positions and vomit. My head pounding. This is it. Done. How do I tell him I have failed. Again. Maybe if I stay in here I will disappear and not have to admit how shit I am to him. Please let me fade away. I don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes.

Knock at the door.

Heart pounding.

Head throbbing.

This is it.

"Why were you watching French Mistake?"

I can't answer him.

"Baby, let me in!"

I look up from my position over the toilet.

"It's unlocked."

I'm defeated, now he will know.

As he enters and sees me his face changes from confusion to worry. He doesn't say anything but walks over, flushes the toilet, picks me up and walks back to the lounge room. He has laid me down and puts my head in his lap and he presses play.

We sit in silence. The French Mistake ends and he puts on Sacrifice.

"No! I can't watch this!"

I start sobbing again.

"Just try baby!"

Even on a good day this episode is hard for me to watch, I can relate to Sam's character and now in this state I feel his pain as my own. I can't keep letting Jared down like this. I weep through the entire episode, the pain crushing me. As it ends and the Angels are falling Jared whispers in my ear.

"Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that! Ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please note I do not take any credit or own the rights to Supernatural Quotes


	17. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains adult thems

 

"I can't believe you did that! And to keep it from Jared!"

  
I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

  
"I know, I thought I was doing the right thing."

  
"And was it the right thing to do last time?"

  
"No, but I didn't want to risk anything for a pregnancy."

  
The scene in my lounge room is a replay of three years ago with my Italian friend asking the tough questions I needed to be asked and my French friend with her arms around me supporting us both.

  
"Ok, is there any point you having a baby, but destroying not only your marriage, but also your own health?"

  
"Are you saying I shouldn't have a baby?"

  
"To be honest baby, at the moment no I don't. You need to go to the doctor, you also need to tell Jared! He is worried sick about you and doesn't understand why this is happening and it's because you have hidden this from him."

  
"But I don't want to hurt the baby if I get pregnant."

  
"I NEED YOU TO STOP TALKING ABOUT THE BABY! I know you want a baby, but the stress you are under right now you wouldn't get pregnant anyway. You broke down when Jared brought home a pregnancy test. You do know that you have only been married four months and had only done two tests previously!"

  
I sob into my French friend and she whispers to me.

  
"You need to see your doctor. You need to tell Jared."

  
"I want to disappear."

  
"No, you want to live, you want to be married to the love of your life and you want a baby, but the only way forward is you and Jared together. You know that!"

  
"I love that you are both here for me right now. I'm sorry you have to deal with me again."

  
My Italian friend sits down next to me and hugs me.

  
"I love you, but you need me to be tough on you!"

  
"I know, and it's one of the things I love about you! I don't know how to tell him. He flies in late tonight, do I tell him tonight? Or wait until morning? I don't want to wreck his day and he will be so angry at me!"

  
I had flown down to Austin a day earlier to meet up with my girls, needing to see them.

  
"He might be angry, but he will also be relieved to know what is going on with you! Now I'm calling your doctor to make an appointment for this afternoon, how about you give me the number and you go and have a lay down?"

  
I wander upstairs to our bedroom, cocoon myself in blankets, hiding away from the world and fall asleep.

  
It's a very quiet evening, dinner followed by a Supernatural binge watch. Although it was quiet and a little somber, having my friends in close proximity is exactly what I need. All of my walls had crashed down and I am emotionally exposed. Having them with me, their love is like my protective shield.

  
"I'm going to sleep. I need to be asleep before Jared gets home. I promise I will tell him everything in the morning."

  
As I wake I feel his arms around me and in that split second everything is perfect, then it crashes back down on me. My tears start falling, my body starts shaking, his arms tighten around me.

  
"Baby, please, please talk to me."

  
"I'm afraid to."

  
"I need to understand."

  
"I know and you deserve that."

  
"I don't want you to tell me because you think I deserve it, I want you to tell me so I can be there for you. I go through these dark times, you of all people know that and you're there for me. Please let me be there for you."

  
"But it's my fault this is happening, because I'm stupid!"

  
He moves behind me, walks around the bed, sits down, looks down at me, tears in his eyes.

  
"I love you. When I came home from work to see you watching French Mistake and then found you in the bathroom I knew your depression was effecting you. What I don't understand is why now? You haven't had this sort of breakdown since before we lived together. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but maybe you need to have your medication changed. I will come to the doctor with you."

  
He leans down and kisses me through my tears.

  
"I went to the doctor yesterday. I don't need my medication changed."

  
"Did the doctor indicate why this was happening?"

  
"Yes."

  
My voice is so small, knowing my answer is going to hurt him.

  
"My medication doesn't need to change, I need to start taking them again."

  
"What? Did your doctor tell you to stop taking them?"

  
"No. I took myself off them the day of the wedding. I knew the discussion of us having a baby was going to come up and I wanted to do everything right this time. I was so happy. Please don't hate me."

  
He shifts.

  
Moves off the bed.

  
He walks away.

  
Gone.

  
My heart shatters.

  
I can just barely hear the shower as my entire soul is obliterated, screaming silently.

  
"Baby, wake up we need to talk!"

  
I look up at him through my burning eyes.

  
"Ok."

  
"I'll meet you downstairs."

  
I throw on some clothes, not showering, not caring and go downstairs.

  
"I thought we could go for a drive together?"

  
"Ok. I'll just say goodbye to the girls."

  
"They aren't here, they went to do some shopping, I told them we were going out."

  
I don't really take much notice where we are going, but am surprised at our destination, the 'Travaasa Resort'.

  
"I have booked us in for the night here, so we won't be interrupted and we can drive up to Dallas together in the morning."

  
Once checked in we are shown to our room which overlooks a beautiful country landscape.

  
"I want you to go and have a shower, I'll arrange some food for us to eat. Ok?"

  
While I'm in the shower I realise I have brought no clothes with me, so I just chuck on a robe and walk out.

  
"Jared, I haven't brought any clothes with me. What am I supposed to wear tomorrow?"

  
"The girls are bringing you some clothes, don't worry about that. Now come here."

  
I walk over to him and he opens his arms to me. He holds me like a delicate flower. He uses his finger and lifts my chin up so he can look me in the eyes.

  
"I love you."

  
He holds my head in his hands and leans down to kiss me.

  
"I am sorry I walked away from you this morning, I was hurt and angry. Saying that I need to tell you my feelings about this so we can work through it together."

  
"Can we? I feel like I have fucked up everything!"

  
"Take your robe off and hop on the bed."

  
Sitting naked on the bed I am confused when he starts undressing.

  
"I thought we were talking?"

  
"We are, but I don't want anything between us, it's just you and me."

  
I sit up cross legged and he sits in front of me.

  
"I need to tell you a few things and I need you to listen. When we first met you were a breath of fresh air in my life and I know I had the same impact on you. We were honest about who we were and I believe that's why our relationship is so strong. You talked to me about your anxiety and depression and I opened up to you about mine. We have never kept secrets from each other, except one."

  
"I know, I'm sorry!"

  
"Just let me keep going, I need to get this out. When I say one, I mean we have kept one secret each. I have kept something from you, because I didn't want to hurt or scare you, but mostly because I didn't want you to worry about me. I think this is a similar reason why you kept this from me. When you told me this morning I couldn't believe what you had done, not only to you but to us. I was angry. But how could I stay angry when I had kept something from you."

  
He takes my hands in his and looks at me, tears falling. He takes a breath and continues.

  
"I haven't been honest about everything that happened the night we lost the baby. I was heartbroken, as you know and I still am, but what you don't know is I lost you that night too. Your heart stopped and they had to resuscitate you back to life. You were gone for three minutes, it was the longest three minutes of my life. Do you understand what that did to me? I know you were so happy to be having a baby, but for me to lose you, it broke me. I would love to have a baby with you, but I need you to understand that I need you more. I don't want another baby unless it's with you."

  
"So that is the reason you're so protective over me and seeing a doctor straight away?"

  
I shuffle up the bed and straddle his lap. I can feel his penis against my vagina, it was the closest I had ever felt to him, this is what it means to be together as one. There was nothing sexual, just us.

  
"Yes, so please think about having another baby. I want you to be happy and I need us to be honest and saying that I have to tell you that if I have to choose between you and a baby, I choose you."

  
I rest my head against his chest.

  
"I choose you too. I just wanted to give you a baby and felt like a failure."

  
"If you be yourself, you will never fail me. I love you!"

  
"I love you too! I want to tell you that I have started my medication again and have booked an appointment for my therapist when we go back to Vancouver. I do still really want a baby, but I also know I'm not ready right now. Please be patient with me, I know I've been an idiot, but I'll work on it!"

  
"I will, but you do need to promise that you will talk to me about these decisions, we are together and when it involves our health it's something we involve each other with."

  
He kisses me then, holding my head in his hands. My hands snake their way around his head and pull him closer. I shuffle as close as I can to him and feel him against me.

  
"Room Service!"

  
We pull apart laughing, smiling at each other for what feels like the first time in months.


	18. Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains Adult Themes

 

The sun rising over the hills is beautiful, our part of the world waking up for a new day.

  
"I'm so happy you woke me up for this honey!"

  
I turn to Jared and kiss him. He pulls me in close and deepens the kiss, passion igniting. My arms go around his waist and up his back pushing him closer to me. He walks me backward until my bottom hits the railing of our balcony. Frantic. His hands in my hair, mine in his. Our teeth hit, trying to be closer. I can feel his erection against me and I squirm, trying to be closer. I raise one leg around his waist.

  
"What's that noise?"

  
"Damn it! It's my alarm. We have to go so we get to Dallas in time!"

  
"Really, right now?"

  
"If we don't get dressed and out of here I could be late and you know I can't be late."

  
I push against his erection earning a groan.

  
"Just five minutes?"

  
"I want more than five minutes with you baby."

  
It comes out more like a growl and I know I've lost this round.

  
We pack up, get dressed and head off to Dallas. There is a silence between us on the drive, but unlike the past few weeks it's comfortable. Every now and then I do notice Jared squirming a little and know that this morning hasn't quite left him yet. I give him a cheeky smile when I notice him do it again.

  
"You alright Jared?"

  
"You know I'm not! All I can picture is your swollen lips and your naked body with the sunrise behind you. It's killing me slowly. Just be prepared for me tonight!"

  
I let out a giggle.

  
"Oh! I'll be ready! I'm ready now!"

  
"Fuck, don't say that to me! I'm resisting pulling the car over, just, I need to get there on time!"

  
We stay quiet after that, knowing we both needed the physical release after letting our emotions out the day before. As we pull into the hotel I text my girls asking where they were with my change of clothes. Feeling very grungy I ask Jared if we can sneak in a back entrance anywhere.

  
"Why don't you go and wait in the bathrooms, I'll get the girls and they can give you your clothes?"

  
Waiting in the bathroom feels like it's taking forever when I hear them enter.

  
"I'm in the end stall! Thank you so much ladies!"

  
I unlock the stall and instead of it being the girls it's my husband. His eyes black.

  
"I'm taking that five minutes!"

  
He opens the door and closes it behind him. I quickly drop my panties and before I'm upright his fingers have found me. Pushing into my already wet core.

  
"You're so wet!"

  
"I told you I was ready!"

  
He kisses me, bends slightly and with his hand behind each knee lifts me up, thrusts inside me, we groan together. He leans me against the wall and lowers me slightly. Power. Hard. Fast. Pounding. Sweat. No slowing down. Grunting.

  
"Harder Jared!"

  
Spurred on he plunges into me. Moaning. I hold onto his shoulders. Groaning. My body shaking. Every thrust pushes me upward. Faster. Harder.

  
"I'm coming Jared, come with me!"

  
"I am!"

  
Our bodies shudder around each other. Breathless. He lowers me down slowly and I sit down on the toilet, not trusting my legs. He cleans himself off, does up his pants and leans down to kiss me.

  
"I love you, I needed that, now wish me luck for the panel, I have to go!"

  
"Good luck honey, I needed that to! Have fun and be nice to all those samgirls out there!"

  
I sit there sated for about five minutes before I work up the energy to get dressed. The ladies had done well. I had a cute little sun dress and new cowgirl boots and to top it off some pretty white underwear. I throw my hair up in a pony tail and walk out to find them.

  
I see them before they see me, how did they do this without me knowing? All of my girls were there. I hadn't seen them all together since the wedding. All 6 of them! I'm so happy. They are obviously listening into the panel so I wander over quietly to them. When they see me I push my finger to my lips to say quiet and I sit down next to them.

  
The panel ends, I walk over and give Jensen a hug and say a quick hello and turn to Jared who leans down and quickly kisses me.

  
"Cute dress on you!"

  
"Yep they did well. We are going to go and grab some food. I'll text you where we are if you have time to meet up with us before your main panel."

  
When we are sitting at lunch a smile breaks across my face, I love these ladies.

  
"I'm sorry I couldn't come out earlier, I wanted to be there for you, but couldn't get out of work!"

  
I grab hold of my Iraq friends hands.

  
"Having you here now means everything to me!"

  
"So you won't mind if I stay for two weeks?"

  
"Really! You're here for two weeks? Are you coming to Vancouver?"

  
"Yes and yes!"

  
I hug her to me, this is the best news I've had all day.

  
After sitting, chatting and a few cocktails later we make our way back to listen to the main panel. Nearly there Clif gets my attention and let's me know that they have put some chairs to the side of the stage so we can watch the panel. This makes us all giggle like fangirls.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy!  
> Dreamer and writer @tris820  
> Imagination Art by @Ruby_zd  
> design by @Dr_SPN_phd  
> And the eagle eyes in editing @SPN_France


End file.
